Season Four, Episode Five: Ghost Town

The Summary:

Ah, gloomy Jacob Marley-esque specters of various sorts and descriptions, let us consider them!

So, it turns out that Steve is opening his own bar (well done, Steve!), and that Aidan (of "heart-broken-by-Carrie-by-her-running-around-on-him-with-Big" fame) is his new business partner. Carrie gets an invite from Steve and Aidan to said bar's opening, which throws her into a tizzy. What does it meeeeean? Why did Aidan invvvvvite her? What should she dooooo? At first, she's inclined to stay acres and miles away from it all--but then she comes to hope that the invite is a gesture of forgiveness on Aidan's part, and decides to attend. In the midst of said attendance, Carrie bumps into Aidan, and they have a weird, awkward, but nonetheless quasi-flirtatious conversation, which leaves Carrie 1) aware that she still has feelings for Aidan, and 2) suspecting that she might want to try to win him back. Ohhhh, deeeeear.

Meanwhile... Miranda is initially ticked that Steve is opening his bar now, when they are not together (as opposed to when she was constantly encouraging him to do so, when they were together.) Said mild-ticked-ness is appeased, however, when Steve tells her that he never would have opened the bar without all of her previous encouragement. Good, glad we sorted that out!

Also, Miranda thinks that she has a ghost in her house. Turns out... she doesn't. [Blogger holds her eyes open with her fingers, Clockwork-Orange-style, to try to keep awake.]

Charlotte, in the meantime, is having some rather creepy problems with her rather creepy mother-in-law, Bunny. Bunny, it transpires, decorated her and Trey's apartment (which looks like plaid exploded all over it... plaid, and duck decoys. Oh, Scottish kitsch! Will your terrors never be tamed?) Charlotte wants to redecorate said Land of a 1,000 Scottish Tchotchkes, but is impeded by Bunny's efforts to control said redecoration (up to and including going new bed shopping with the happy couple, which gives Charlotte the willies... especially when Bunny and Trey insist on lying on said potential new beds together to try them out. Cree. Py.)

Bunny also feels free to come into, and go out of, Charlotte and Trey's Scottish Nightmare Apartment just as she chooses, including moving back into the said apartment when Trey gets a cold to take care of him. (Even though... he is in his forties...?) After being woken up in the middle of the night by Bunny coming into their bedroom to rub Vicks all over Trey as he sleeps (again--cree. Py.), Charlotte confronts Bunny about said wacko behavior, and declares that she, and not Bunny, is now The Lady of the House, and she (The Lady) does not really want Bunny in it (The House).

Bunny refuses to accept this dictum... but seems cured of her "barging into the MacDougal home any time of the day or night" modus operandi when she walks in on Charlotte and Trey in post-cold flagrante one day, and subsequently flees the apartment in distress. This doesn't seem to address the fundamental issue of Trey's consistent "you know best, mother" deference to Bunny at Charlotte's expense, nor the quasi-incestuous vibe between mother and son... but no matter! I guess that's progress!

Samantha, meanwhile, is still dating Maria... and things are not going that well! Of course they're not. Remember Sam's initial "maybe I shouldn't get involved with Maria, because I'm not interested in a relationship or commitment" worries? Yeah, turns out those worries were not entirely ill-founded, as Sam is now wanting to claw her own skin off, living with the day-to-day intimacies of having a significant other. She and Maria have fallen into a predictable, and not terribly satisfactory, pattern: Maria would prefer to stay in, and talk about their relationship. Sam (wildly bored by said prospect) would rather go out, and not talk about their relationship. I see.

The downside of going out, however, is that everywhere she and Maria go, they seem to encounter one of Sam's former amours, who inconveniently propositions and/or flirts with her, right in front of Maria. I see. This, unsurprisingly, does not make Maria radiantly happy--not least because Sam doesn't tell any of these gents that Maria is not her friend (as they suppose) but rather her girlfriend. I seeee.

The breaking point comes when a bloke shows up at Sam's door in the middle of the night seeking a tryst (unsolicited by Sam herself, I hasten to note), and Maria has to be the one to tell him that she and Sam are now an item. Furious at Samantha, Maria (in approved Fiery Latina Fashion) smashes most of Sam's crockery on her kitchen floor. To a salsa music soundtrack, of course. Ay yi yi.

Erroneously convinced that the root of their problem is Sam missing sleeping with men, Maria buys a strap-on dildo for her, as a peace offering. Thoughtful, but it doesn't so much address the real problem, of Sam not wanting to be in a relationship. So... she breaks up with Maria. Alas. Sorry about that, Maria! Good luck finding someone who does want to be in a relationship with you... and who doesn't care too much about their plates!

The Analysis:

LGBT Folks Watch: Our usual suspect, Maria... for the last time, alas. And as we shall discuss below, we have dipped into increasingly stereotypical territory where our lesbian friend is concerned. (Hint: ladies are boring to date, because all they want to do is take candlelight baths, and talk about feeeeelings.)

People of Color Watch: Our usual suspect, Maria... whom as we shall discuss below, is dipping into reeeeally stereotypical territory in this episode--oh, those fiery Latins! How their hot blood does rule them! They cannot help it, they are slaves to its fires!

"The Tummy is Gone": Suggesting a Gent is A Desirable Romantic Prospect in Large Part Because of How He Looks Watch: So, when we first encounter him in Season Three, Aidan is kind of a hippie-dippie-ish, let-it-all-hang-out character, both in terms of the way that he acts, and the way that he dresses/presents himself--he's got shoulder-length-hair, wears turquoise jewelry, and has the body of a man who would rather make daisy chains in a field than go to the gym. (Not to suggest that John Corbett was ever anything other than Very Good-Looking, but in Season Three he also had a pleasing regular guy-ness to him--unlike the ladies of the show, he was actually permitted to have something of a stomach in his stomach region. As mere mortals who don't spend their entire lives doing crunches... tend to do! Thank you for your presence, internal organs! Keep up the good work!)

When we re-encounter him in Season Four, however, things have shifted somewhat. He now has a more fashionably short haircut, has stripped himself of all eccentric jewelry flourishes, and clearly spends more time at the gym than he does with his daisy chains. Gone are the goofy hippiesh shirts, having been replaced by stripped-down, "I am a guy, and therefore do not care about your girly color and patterns" type minimalism. This all seems like a very plausible and realistic response to your girlfriend's having cheated on you with a gent who embodies Conventional Masculinity as much as Big does... but still, I find it kind of a bummer. I liked the slightly loopy, eccentric version of Aidan much more than this flattened out, "I could plausibly be on the cover of GQ, looking brooding and a little sullen" variety. Ah well. This was never about what I wanted, now, was it?

What I find most troubling here is the response of Carrie and the other ladies to Aidan's shift in appearance. In that--they talk a lottttttt about how much better he looks now--specifically, about how much more toned he is. Charlotte, for example, is clapping her hands with glee about the prospect of Carrie trying to get back with Aidan--she declares that he was "perfect... he just needs to lose the tummy." (Oh, Charlotte M. So glad to have you falling back into your "conventional masculine beauty is the cornerstone of any successful relationship" pattern.)

I resent the implication that Aidan is somehow a more desirable romantic prospect now than he was back in Season Three, simply because he more rigidly conforms to our cultural ideal of what a "beautiful" man is supposed to look like. The majority of the men whom Samantha beds (with their flawless abs and meticulously fat-free bodies) fit that ideal--and they are borrrrrring. Big (with his omnipresent expensive suits and his meticulous gym attendance) also fits that ideal--and he is more often than not quite toxically unpleasant and destructive. The Aidan of Season Three was kind and attentive and goofily individualistic. He was comfortable in his own skin, clearly not feeling the need to prove anything to anyone, happy to dress precisely the way he wanted to dress, and do precisely what he wanted to do, whether or not this was conventionally "manly." And if that doesn't make a gent an excellent romantic prospect, then I do know not what does.

"You Want Fireworks??? I'll Give You Fireworks!!!": Depicting Hispanic Women as Tempestuous and Nutty Watch: As I alluded to above, I am not so fond of the way in which this episode depicts Maria, in several different ways--among these being having her embodying the Fiery Latina stereotype right up to the hilt, screaming and smashing plates left, right, and center during her and Sam's first proper fight. The fact that said plate-smashing is accompanied by lively,"Spanish" music... does not, I feel, help matters! Please take up your ever-ready notebooks and jot down the following: "Hispanic women: possess tempers as hot as flowing lava. Tend to break things. Preferably to salsa music." Good to know!

Ah, Ladies, They Are Such A Needy, Hyperemotional Drag Watch: I am also a little put out by Sam finding Maria such a drag to date in large part because of her (ostensibly feminine) need to endless deconstruct their relationship, their feelings, etc. (As Samantha puts it, "All this emotional chow-chow, it's exhausting.") Throughout the episode, Sam implicitly and explicitly compares this "chow-chow" to her past involvements with men, sighing that Maria needs so much more in the way of emotional engagement than any man ever has. May I suggest that this is not so much a gender issue, as it is a by-product of 1) Maria as an individual, 2) the fact that Maria is the first person whom Sam has dated seriously in quite some time, and that she as such is much more emotionally invested in Sam then most of her Gentlemen Companions have been, and 3) Sam's constant efforts to deflect any deeper discussions about feelings resulting in Maria having to push harder and harder to get any sense of what the heck is happening in Samantha's head/heart? Ah, it seems not! It's all because the ladies are tediously and deeply dedicated to relentless emotional analysis. Good to know!

The Inevitable Break-Up of Samantha with Her One and Only Girlfriend--Handled Well or Handled Poorly?: A Debate:

Handled Well: Well, first off, I'd just like to start with what we can agree on.

Handled Poorly: What, is this the Senate all of a sudden? Are we Democrats and Republicans here? "Ummm... I think that the sky is blue." Ta-dah. Common ground!

Handled Well [slightly miffed]: There's no need to be snide.

Handled Poorly: What, about you, or about the viability of political bipartisanship in our current, polarized political environment?

Handled Well: Well, both, really, but I was actually talking about me--I think the one thing we can agree on here is that this break-up was inevitable from the start. There was no way that the show was going to have Samantha seriously involved with a lady for any meaningful length of time.

Handled Poorly: Oh, totally. I know a "we are still a shocking and cutting-edge program" publicity stunt when I see one! This has "we are edgy, edgy, damn it!" written allllll over it. Get the "Sam dates a woman! It's shocking!" angle in... and then escort the woman herself out. It's textbook. The "sweeps week, lady kissing lady" tactic to a tee.

Handled Well: See, I agree with you! Hooray!

Handled Poorly: Uh-huh. But that doesn't mitigate the fact that they handled said inevitable break-up terrrribly here.

Handled Well: Oh, you think so, do you?

Handled Poorly: Now who's being snide! Yes, I do, actually--I draw your attention to when Samantha first sees The (Allegedly) New and Improved Aidan after she's broken up with Maria, and asks Carrie if he actually looks great, or if she's "just been with a woman for too long." 'Cause, get it--being with a lady for, what, a couple of months, has made Sam think that anyone with a Y chromosome in trousers is alluring. That's what dating a woman will do to you--make you desperate and sex-starved. Terrible!

Handled Well: I would like to agree with you that that is, indeed, an unpleasant moment.

Handled Poorly: Please. I think they've already handed out the Nobel Peace Prizes for this year. Stop campaigning.

Handled Well [ignoring Handled Poorly altogether]: But I would like to note that I think, on the whole, the show does a pretty good job of breaking these two up. They emphasize that the mismatch is not between Samantha and A Woman (to whom they make it quite clear she continues to be attracted, interested in, and to like, for all of said Woman's Emotional Drama), but between Samantha the Not-A-Relationship Person, and Maria the Relationship Person. Samantha is just not suited to being with the same person long term, and that is something which she eventually has to acknowledge to herself, and to Maria. That doesn't seem too wretched to me!

Handled Poorly: Ummm-hmmm. Except when she meets a guy whom she cares about later in the season, all of those "oh, I don't want to be monogamous! I don't want to be in a relationship!" concerns... go clean out the window.

Handled Well [gritting teeth]: Let's stick to the matter at hand, shall we, Snarky-Pants?

Handled Poorly [triumphant]: And the chances for winning an award for peacemaking... officially lost for the year! Ha HA!

Next Up...?: "Baby, Talk is Cheap" in which Sam swans around town wearing fake nipples (yes... really), Charlotte contemplates motherhood, Carrie tries to lure Aidan back into her web of deceit and lies, and Miranda manages to continue to refrain from eating things out of the garbage. Progress on that front, anyway!

Season Four, Episode Four: What's Sex Got To Do With It?

The Summary:

Ah, sex of various sorts and descriptions! Let us contemplate it.

So Carrie has commenced dating Ray, the charming musician whom you may recall from our last episode--wearer of vintage hats, possessor of laconic charm. I like Ray. Sigh. I suppose that was my first mistake.

So the good part is, whilst with Ray (in the biblical sense of being "with" him), Carrie experiences the most intense orgasm of her life. Mazel tov! This happy pattern is repeated in their subsequent encounters, and Carrie is quite dazzled by the intensity of their physical connection. Do you see the dark shadow of a problem lurking over there in the corner of this pleasant scenario? You should, because I assure you that it's there! How could it not be?

Alas, it turns out that this physical connection is the only kind which Carrie can have with Ray--he's entertaining to be around (and not purely in the carnal sense--clean up your filthy mind!), but she can't actually manage to have a real conversation with him--after weeks of dating him, she still doesn't know anything about him--and seems unlikely to ever learn anything, since he seems to have ADD of the most virulent type and description, hopping from idea to idea, and from task to task, in a way which Carrie finds quite dizzying and unsettling. (At one point he ends up playing the banjo on the floor of his apartment nude, when he'd ostensibly headed off to get a glass of water. I see.) And so, despite the Lady-Chatterley-with-Mellors nature of their physical relationship, she breaks it off. Bummer. Buh-bye, Ray! Buh-bye, vintage hats! I'll miss you!

Meanwhile, Miranda is enmeshed in yet another unpleasant storyline. (Are we shocked?) She has decided to go on a "sex strike"--consciously abstaining from sex primarily since there are no attractive prospects currently on the horizon. In the midst of this "strike," she becomes addicted to cakes of various kinds and descriptions (an addiction which I suspect is suffered by many, whether they be celibate or no)--said addiction spiraling to the point where she actually eats cake out of the garbage. Oh, how Cynthia Nixon must have looked forward to playing someone like Eleanor Roosevelt, after being entrapped in such plot machinations by the writers! Sheeeeeesh.

In the end, Miranda decides that maybe instead of binging on sugar (not that I would be understood to malign sugar binges, myself--sugar would never forgive me, and I do not wish to anger it), she might address her current sexual frustration... by masturbating? And we didn't consider this before because...?

ANYWAY. In the Land of Charlotte, we are still creeping down the Path of Marriage Repair. So--first, she and Trey managed to create a sex life for themselves which actually... involved sex. (Good!) Then, Charlotte managed to convince Trey that perhaps they might actually have said sex in their own home sometimes, as opposed to in every public space with a locking door in the city. (Also good!) Having managed all of that, Charlotte is ready to think about moving back in with Trey, and giving things another shot, Full-On Marriage Wise.

Trey, however, is still thinking purely about the sex end of things, seeming content with their current "Charlotte comes over to their old home for trysts, and then leaves" arrangement. Terrified that if she even brings up the possibility of their moving back in together, Trey will lose his new-found sexual initiative, Charlotte delays doing so for a bit... until she reaches her breaking point (said breaking point being reached after Trey asks her to measure his "John Thomas" in the wake of one of their encounters... seriously?) and yells at him about how tired she is "of being married to your penis." This seems to snap Trey (and his penis as well, presumably) out of it a bit, and he asks Charlotte to move back in with him, and be his wife, in all ways (not just the carnal) again. Charlotte happily accepts. All right-y then!

And in the world of Samantha... Sam has started dating Maria, and is actually really happy with her. Excellent! In most un-Samantha like fashion, she has held off on sleeping with Maria right out of the gate, since she wants their first time to be "special"... after a sufficient interlude, however, sleep with Maria Sam does, receiving an education in the process about both female anatomy, and the differences between casual sex with someone she expects (and hopes) never to see again, and sex with someone she actually cares about.

In their initial encounter, Maria is put off by Sam's mechanical, detached approach to physical intimacy, and asks her to think about sex as an emotional, as well as a physical, experience. Sam is initially flummoxed by this concept, but comes around in the end--and learns some fun facts about the vagina in the process. Well, we are always glad to learn more fun vagina facts!

Sam's happiness with Maria is matched only by her friends' consternation with such happiness. They are incredulous that Sam is dating a lady, and express a range of negative sentiments about it (ranging from Charlotte's shock at the very idea, and disgust at the details about lesbian sex which Sam shares with the ladies, to Carrie's decision to treat the whole thing as an amusing joke.) Charming. Oh, wait, sorry, I meant not charming! My mistake!

The Analysis:

LGBT Folks Watch: Once again, we have Maria, who continues to be represented quite positively [blogger to self, ominously, under breath: "for now, anyway..."]--one or two stereotypical flourishes here and there (which we shall discuss anon, never fear!), but on the whole, we have before us a three-dimensional, interesting, complicated character, who is also a lesbian. Shall wonders never cease?

The One Thing About The Absurd Miranda Plotline That I Actually Like Watch: In the otherwise ludicrous and distasteful Miranda plotline in this episode, I do find one thing to enjoy--that being that Carrie informs us that Miranda's idea of an ideal evening is to sit down with some eclairs to watch The Daily Show. Amen to that, sister! But beware of claiming Jon Stewart as your imaginary boyfriend, because he already has his hands full being my imaginary boyfriend. Capiche?

Mild Slut Shaming Watch: After Carrie and Ray have first started dating (and sleeping together), Charlotte reproaches Carrie for said "just started dating, but already sleeping with" combination. Ah, how I have missed Charlotte suggesting that a lady sets herself on a course for inevitable relationship disaster by dispensing her maidenly (or, I guess, not so maidenly) favors too precipitously! Good to see that she's back on form. Happily, the episode does not indicate that things didn't work out with Ray because Carrie was so sluttttty, but rather because Ray is more than a little looooony. (Sorry, Ray--I still like you, if it's any consolation--what's a little untreated ADD in the face of a wry sense of humor and an extensive fedora collection, after all?)

The Ladies and Their Lady Feelings, Let Us Discuss, Watch: So I am a wee bit ambivalent about the way in which Maria and Samantha's sex life is handled here--specifically about the discussion about ladies, sex, and feelings. Is it a bad thing that Maria suggests to Sam that she actually think about sex as the opportunity to connect on an emotional, as well as on a physical, level with another person? Nope. Am I displeased to see Sam sleeping with someone she actually cares about? Nope.

But (because you knew there would be one) I do feel a prickle of unease in the ways that Sam and Maria talk about sex--when Maria calls Sam on her whole "detaching herself with emotionally, while being very present physically" trick, Sam says that none of her male partners have ever had any complaints about said practice, to which Maria replies, "Ah--men!", and proceeds to tell Sam that since she's not a man, such emotion-free canoodling will not work for her.

My unease-prickles stem, I think, from two things about this 1) the notion that of course men would not be as concerned with introducing emotion into their canoodling. Ah, men. As we all know, they have less truck with ooey-gooey feeelings than the ladies!, and 2) the notion that the lesbian Maria naturally is only interested in sex crammed full with ooey-gooey feelings. This seems to sail pretty darned close to the "men=primarily interested in sex, women=primarily interested in love" binary... a binary for which I do not care. Is it possible that things might be a smidge more complex than said stereotype allows for...? It seems not, my mistake!

"Yes, Ladies--I'm a Lesbian": Headache-Making Musings on Sexual Orientation Watch: So when Sam tells her friends that she's dating Maria, she does, indeed, say, "Yes, ladies--I'm a lesbian." At which point, your humble blogger's head hit her humble desk with not entirely humble force. Ummm... don't think you are, actually, Samantha J.! You are dating a woman, yes, but you will be shocked to learn... that's not quite the same thing! Blurrrg, so annoying to see the writers once again rejecting the idea of any sexual fluidity whatsoever being possible--when Samantha was sleeping with men, she was straight--now that she's sleeping with a woman, she's gay. I guess it can't be that she's a straight woman dating a lady? Or that she's bisexual? Or that she's just not interested in labels, altogether? It seems not, my mistake!

Doubly irritating that Samantha chooses to buy into this "If I am with a lady, ipso facto, I must be a lesbian, even though I am still attracted to men" malarkey, since otherwise, she's actually doing some good work here in calling her friends on the simplistic, adolescent nonsense that they heap on her (about which... more anon) regarding her dating a woman. Talking to a giggly Carrie about Maria, Sam says "This isn't about being gay or straight... lesbian is just a label, like Gucci or Versace..." (to which of course, Carrie replies, "Or Birkenstock." Go sit in the corner, Miss Bradshaw, I will deal with you later.) Sam tries to tell Carrie about how great Maria is, and how much she enjoys being with her ("She's got passion, talent...") to which, of course, Carrie replies, "A vagina...?" (What did I say about going to the corner, Carrie B.? Don't make me tell you again!) Sam: trying to talk about how she is drawn to this person, and how that attraction and connection transcends tidy labels. Carrie: insistently focusing exclusively on the sexual, and falling back onto tired stereotypes about lesbian ladies and their unglamorous choice of footwear. Le sigh.

So--one solid point given to Samantha for pushing her friends to see her relationship in a way that's a smidge more complicated than their "tee-hee, you're a lesbian now, lesbians are dowdy" style nonsense, and one solid point taken from Samantha for herself falling into the "I am with a woman, therefore I am necessarily a lesbian" gay/straight binary. Which leaves us, of course, with... precisely zero. But that's better than the other ladies are doing... [she typed ominously....]

"Lesbian Du Jour": Charmless Discussions of Ladies Dating Other Ladies, On the Part of Other Ladies Watch: As you may have gathered from my discussion above... my primary problem here is with the way that Charlotte, Carrie, and Miranda react to Sam's news that she's dating Maria. Carrie (in addition to the Birkenstock crack above--so original!) takes to calling Maria's house "Casa de Lesbo" (charming--I was not aware that Carrie was a homophobic seventh-grade boy, but it seems that she is!) and calling Sam the "lesbian du jour." Because that doesn't in any way trivialize Sam's feelings for Maria, or her decision to date her. Nope, not. At. All.

Charlotte, meanwhile, thinks that Sam is dating Maria, 1) because she simply ran out of men to sleep with, and 2) "to bug us." Indeed, that seems very plausible, on both fronts. [Blogger sighs deeply and mournfully.] Miranda, meanwhile, responds to Charlotte's supposition that Sam has turned to women because she's gone through all of Manhattan's men by saying that, if such an eventuality occurs in the life of a straight lady, "you go on strike, you don't eat pussy!" No. She. Did. N't. Ah... but she did. Keep it classy, Hobbes!

So in sum, Sam's friends react to her dating of Maria by 1) suggesting that she's dating a woman simply because she can't find a fella, 2) suggesting that she's dating a woman purely because she wants to annoy her friends, 3) suggesting that she's dating a woman as a kind of passing fancy which will soon, well, pass. Delightful stuff! [Blogger reaches for her (sadly fictional) smelling salts, to revive herself.]

Next Up...?: An episode entitled "Ghost Town" which involves various kinds of hauntings and misfortunes, of both the quasi-supernatural and the quotidian variety... Just when you thought you were safe from the specter of Carrie's ex-boyfriends... Aidan returns! (Plus side--he is not Big.) And just when you thought you were safe from yet more silly Miranda plotlines... she becomes convinced that she has an actual ghost living in her house! (Perhaps the cake she's been placing in the garbage disappeared through supernatural means, rather than through her eating it?) Also, Disaster in the Land of Samantha and Maria (sigh), and mother-in-law troubles for Charlotte (alas.) Good times all 'round!

Season Four, Episode Three: Defining Moments

The Summary:

Ah, providing definitions for things, let us attempt it!

So in the wake of their two disastrous attempts to make things work as a couple, and their one lurid extra-marital affair, Carrie and Big have now set up shop as friends. Ah, what could possibly go wrong there? Nothing, Carrie insists to her friends--she's learned her lesson, and is now quite capable of enjoying Big's company without wanting to enjoy his company, if you catch my drift.

Her friends are skeptical about Carrie's ability to make mere friendship with Big work, and, of course, they are quite right to be so. Big extends an open invitation to Carrie to turn their straightforward friendship into a friendship with benefits any ol' time she likes (an invitation which Carrie sensibly refuses, but which does not stop Big from waggling his eyebrows suggestively at her every time the subject of sex is mentioned. Ah, maturity!) Big also queers Carrie's pitch during her incipient flirtation with a charming (and hat-wearing--gotta love the gents in hats!) musician, Ray, acting more like he's Carrie's boyfriend than her friend whilst in Ray's presence. I see.

Witnessing Big's proprietary behavior towards Carrie, Samantha tells him to back the heck off (or words to that effect), and leave Carrie alone if he can't manage to just be her chaste and platonic buddy (which, it seems, he cannot.) Soooo... Big actually does back off (miracle of miracles), leaving Carrie free to proceed with her flirtation with Ray unimpeded. Excellent, I am always in favor of Musical Gents with Hats over Toxic (and Hatless) Ex-Boyfriends!

And what of the other ladies, you inquire? Miranda's plotline is the dopiest, so let me get that out of the way first--so Miranda is dating Doug, who appalls her one day by peeing in front of her. (Into the appropriate receptacle in the appropriate room in the house, I hasten to add--he is possessed of some Emily Post-approved manners.) Teased by her friends about being too prissy and rigid re: her personal boundaries re: Bathroom Etiquette (and everything else, for that matter), Miranda decides to try to loosen up when it comes to her notions of Proper Bathroom Behavior. This, of course, has predictably disastrous results, as Doug subsequently feels free to do EVERYTHING bathroom-related in front of her/with the door open. And I mean... EVERYTHING. Said conduct leads Miranda to show Doug the door, and to close it firmly behind him. Buh-bye, Doug! Good luck being inappropriate (and kind of icky) in other ladies' abodes/bathrooms!

Charlotte, meanwhile, is still trying to figure out what the heck is going on with her and Trey--the sexual part of their marriage is now officially up and running (in coatrooms, bathrooms, elevators, movie theaters, parties, you name it, all over town--the moral of the story--don't invite the MacDougals over for dinner just now!)... but that's pretty much the only part of their marriage that is. Trey has yet to invite Charlotte back into their marital home (for sex or anything else), and Charlotte is haunted by not knowing what the heck any of their Very Public Intimacies mean, or where they are leading her. (Charlotte: "Is he my boyfriend, or my lover? Or my ex-husband whom I occasionally have sex with in coatrooms???") She finally snaps (after Trey seeks to initiate intimacies in a cab two blocks from his/their old apartment, refusing to entertain the idea of actually going there for said intimacies) and suggests trying to rekindle their Marital Sex Life in their Marital Home/Bed. Despite the grim specter of impotence and sexual frustration which haunts said bed, Trey agrees to give this a shot. Charlotte is relieved. So, I imagine, is the cab driver. After all, not even the biggest of big tips can wipe away some memories...

And finally, we have Samantha. Charlotte's art gallery hosts a show by Brazilian artist Maria. At said show, Maria and Samantha meet, hit it off, and start spending time together. Maria tests the waters to see if Sam might be interested in transforming their friendship into a romance, to find those waters initially quite inhospitable--knowing that Maria is looking for a relationship, Sam tells her that she's not a relationship person, and suggests that they remain just friends instead. Maria acquiesces to this friendship proposal, but eventually has to concede that she's not capable of just being Sam's platonic friend (Big: please observe Maria's behavior, and do thee likewise), and bids her adieu. Attracted to and reluctant to lose Maria, Sam refuses to accept said adieu, deciding to risk getting involved in an actual relationship. If you are thinking to yourself that this is all going to end in tears... I cannot say that you are mistaken!

The Analysis:

LGBT Folks Watch: Maria, of course, is a lesbian. (We also briefly see one of her ex-girlfriends, who has a couple of lines, but otherwise flits into the episode only to flit out again.) Maria is conventionally beautiful and feminine in her dress, makeup, etc... as pretty much all of the lesbian characters in the show have been, to date. Even though the show didn't exist yet, we are clearly in an L Word-esque type space here, when it comes to representations of lesbian women--i.e., all present are passport-carrying members of the Land of Normative Female Attractiveness and Fashion-Magazine-Cover-Esque Self-Presentation. [Insert inevitable allusion to "lipstick lesbians" here.]

Which inexorably leads us to the same kinds of debates which swirled around The L Word--is that a good thing (breaking away from long-standing, pernicious stereotypes of lesbian women as "ugly") or a bad thing (representing only one type of lesbian femininity/beauty, to the exclusion of all others?) Hmmmm. Tricky. Perhaps if we had more than approx. three lesbian characters in the entire series, the show might have had the opportunity to depict a more diverse group of lesbian women in more diverse ways? Maybe? Possibly?? Potentially???

People of Color Watch: Maria, of course, is also Brazilian, as the show wastes no opportunity to remind us. (Helloooooo, salsa music playing whenever she is around!) And Maria's immersion in the Land of Fiery Ethnic Ladyhood--it shall only grow deeper as we move forward...

Much as I Dislike Seeing Big with Carrie, I Am Nonetheless Pleased That... Watch: Annoying as it is to once again have the writers throw us into the "will Carrie be dopey enough to get back together with Big?" toxic whirlpool, I do nonetheless enjoy one conversation that they have during their Ambiguous Friendship, in which they agree that people need to dress up more, and that we need to bring back fun, sadly extinct/dying-out loopy accessory items such as the watch fob. Well, look at that. I agree with Big about something! Will wonders never cease?

Beautiful Women Involved with Ordinary-Looking Gents, Part 8,745 Watch: I feel like a broken record here--but I will not blame myself for said broken-record-ness, no, indeed! If the SATC folks wouldn't keep pulling the same danged tricks on me, then I wouldn't have to keep saying the same danged things! Ah, blame-displacement. What a pleasure and a comfort thou always art!

So Doug, whom Miranda dates in this episode, is a pleasant but ordinary-looking bloke (a little pudgy, balding, bespectacled, etc.) On the one hand--nice to see a pleasant but ordinary-looking bloke as a romantic interest here... Sam's endless, indistinguishable string of Men's Health cover models... gets a bit tedious. Hooray for indicating that a man who doesn't look like an Olympic swimmer might actually be an intriguing romantic prospect! On the other hand--it's kind of a bummer that when we do have a not-conventionally-gorgeous bloke in the show, he's involved in scatological comedy plot, rather taken seriously as a truly dateable gent. On the third hand--(pretending that I have one)--I am once again annoyed by the pairing of the conventionally-beautiful Miranda with a not-conventionally-beautiful man. Ah, stunning women relentlessly being paired with non-stunning men in our popular entertainment! Shall I ever tire of it? Answer: yes, I shall--and I have. Please make it stop.

A Heterosexual Lady Becoming Romantically Involved with Another Lady... Not Yet Being Presented Massively Terribly! Watch: I must confess to you that I feel kind of haunted by the dark things which I (in my prescient, "I have already watched the entire series numerous times" wisdom) know are coming down the pike in the Samantha-Maria story line, so I keep wanting to say negative things about this episode re: how it handles Sam romancing a lady. But then I pull myself back from the Cassandra/Chicken Little brink, and remind myself that the sky is not yet falling--miracle of miracles, I think things actually look pretty good here! (Hastening to add the caveat: in this one specific, discrete episode.) If this episode was the only one in the "Sam dates a lady" vein, I would have actually been quite pleased with how they handle things. (It isn't, but of course, but let's pretend for one brief, shining moment that it is... let us breathe deep amidst the Fumes of Delusion!)

In a show which has all too often in the past reaffirmed the unshakable, unchangeable, immovable boundaries between The Gays and The Straights, it's kind of nice to see the writers introducing the idea that sexual desire and romantic attraction might actually be a little messier--a smidge more fluid and ambiguous--than those absolute categories allow for. Would it have been more revolutionary if they played out such a story line with the more relatable Carrie, Miranda, or Charlotte, rather than the self-proclaimed "tri-sexual--I'll try anything once" Samantha? Sure. But still, showing Sam as a straight woman facing an unexpected attraction to another woman, and taking that attraction seriously (and not being panicked by it)... not too shabby.

I'll also give the writers points here for making it clear that Sam (who is clearly drawn to Maria) turns her down initially, not because of homosexual panic, but because she wants to spare Maria's feelings... she's not interested in a monogamous relationship (or really, in any relationship at all), and since Maria clearly is, Sam doesn't want to see her get hurt. This... only seems reasonable! Sam subsequently deciding that Maria is worth risking entering into an actual relationship for, despite her general aversion to commitment, is also handled quite nicely here, I think... the writers suggest that it's a worthwhile risk for Sam to go outside of her comfort zone by venturing to mix sex with emotions (and sacrificing bucket loads of heterosexual privilege in the process) for the sake of someone she is genuinely interested in, and excited about. It all starts off so nicely, with such complexity and thoughtfulness! Ah, if only I could tell you that it stayed that way... but... nope! Down the drain... prepare yourself to go there.

Next Up...?: "What's Sex Got to Do With It?" Weeeeelllll, in a show called "Sex and the City"--I would imagine... quite a bit! And turns out... I'm not wrong about that. Join me anon, as we watch Sam plunge into her relationship with Maria, Carrie into dating the be-hatted Ray (have I mentioned I am a big fan of men in retro hats? No?), Charlotte into continued Marriage Renegotiation, and Miranda into... eating cake out of the garbage. Fantastic.

Season Four, Episode Two: The Real Me

The Summary:

Ah, female self-esteem. Let us plunge into its depths, let us contemplate its mysteries!

So Carrie has been asked by her friend (Very Special Guest Star Margaret Cho--yay! Openly feminist celebrities!) Lynn to be part of a fashion show called New York Style, which will feature a festive mix of models and "real" New Yorkers. (Because models clearly... are fake people.) Carrie anguishes over whether or not to do it--how can she, since she is not as flawlessly beautiful as Actual Models? Won't people judge her for being delusional enough to think that she belongs on a runway?? Will they not mock and analyze her every flaw??? Neuroses.

Happily, a combination of 1) her friends giving her a good slap upside the head about said neuroses, and 2) learning that Dolce and Gabbana picked her to model their clothes and that she gets to keep said clothes after the show induces Carrie to accept this model-y invitation. Excellent!

Of course, Carrie does not leave her neuroses behind when she jumps into the Modeling Life--she still frets about her lack of perfect beauty, the absurdity of her moving within the world of high fashion, and so on, and so forth. However, there are perks--she begins a flirtation with a fashion photographer, Paul (which ultimately goes nowhere, but is nonetheless pleasant, as he is pleasing to the eye, and pleasingly tells Carrie that vitality and personality, not perfection of face or form, are the essence of beauty--good Paul!), and gets to hang out at Dolce and Gabbana with a designer played by Alan Cumming (whom others might adore primarily because of Cabaret or his brief but lively stint on The L Word, but who stole my heart in Emma. He does "pompous British twit in a frock coat" to perfection, that one.) Good times!

On the night of the fashion show itself... things start out a bit rough, as Carrie learns 1) that instead of the pretty floral dress which she thought that she'd be wearing, she will in fact be prancing down the runaway in naught but a jacket and jeweled panties... I see, and 2) that the other "real people" in the show include such non-model-y, non-conventional-beauty-ish types as Fran Lebowitz and Ed Koch. (You should be honored to join any group in which Fran Frickin' Lebowitz is a member, missy! Show some respect!) However, with a little help from Kevyn Aucoin and Heidi Klum, Carrie snaps out of her "ahhhh, showing imperfect body in public! Being grouped with Frank Rich! The horror!" type anxieties, starts strutting down the runway with her head held high... and then trips over her own high heels, becoming (as Stanford puts it) "fashion roadkill." Yeouch.

However, she picks herself up, dusts herself off, and finishes the show to triumphant applause. (Carrie: "Because when real people fall down in life, they get right back up, and keep walking." As opposed to what fake people do, I suppose... but whatever, we know what she means!) Yay for courage in the face of error, acceptance of imperfection, and free sparkly undergarments from D&G! Good things all 'round!

The other ladies, too, are struggling with self-acceptance in this episode (sadly without Alan Cumming or sparkly designer undergarments by their side/on their persons to facilitate the process... drat. But I suppose one cannot have everything!) Miranda is flummoxed by a guy at her gym coming up to her one day (when she is bathed in sweat and wearing a vile old gray T-shirt) to tell her that he "thinks she's very sexy." How can it be that someone finds her sexy, Miranda wonders? How can it be that someone finds her appealing when she is not all dolled up, Miranda speculates?

Sigh. I feel like I just went through all this (oh right, because I just did), but 1) watching a character played by Cynthia Frickin' Nixon wonder how anyone could find her attractive... more than a little irritating, and 2) sad to, once again, see Miranda incredulous and crammed with self-doubt when a guy whom she considers "out of her league" notices her. (Head... please allow me to reintroduce you to Desk.)

It will not surprise you to learn that this seemingly pleasant turn of events (a bloke whom Miranda thinks is attractive is attracted to her, in turn! And thinks that her athleticism is appealing, to boot!) naturally ends in disaster. Alas, it all starts out so well... Miranda and this gent go out a couple of times... and it's nice! And Miranda's confidence is up, because the gent keeps telling her that she's sexy, and she's starting to think that he just might be right. Doesn't sound so bad, no? Ah, but alas, gentle reader. Of course it's bad. As soon as she voices something of her new-found confidence to the gent, talking about how she is happy with her life, self, and accomplishments ... he shuts down and doesn't want anything more to do with her. I see. [Head and Desk further their reacquaintance by making a violent connection.]

Inspired by Carrie's bravery on the runway (post-Fashion-Roadkill-Debacle) Miranda actually asks the guy (who has stopped calling her) what went wrong, and he says that he lost interest because she seemed "a little full of herself." [Blogger feels urge to tear out hair, but decides that to actually do so would be too painful, and refrains.] I'm sure that will help build up Miranda's confidence in herself just dandily! [Blogger tugs gently, but non-damagingly, at hair, just to relieve her feelings a bit.]

Charlotte, meanwhile, has vulvodynia. Yeouch. Poor Charlotte! In real life, of course, vulvodynia is a serious, debilitating, and tricky-to-treat disease... in the SATC verse, however, it is merely a means to an end, designed to lead us to the revelation that Charlotte thinks her genitals are "ugly," and has never looked at herself Down There properly, because of this distaste for the whole Lady Parts region. (An emergency performance of "The Vagina Workshop" in the MacDougal household seems called for, stat!)

After her friends encourage her to sit down with a hand mirror and actually get acquainted with all things South of the Border, Charlotte eventually takes a deep breath and does so... and is enraptured and amazed by what she sees. Yay for no longer hating one's own body! Yay for increased comfort and familiarity with one's own personal physical terrain! Yay for a miraculous and sudden cure from a condition which in real life often lasts for long periods of time/indefinitely!

And finally, we have Samantha, who is having nude photographs of herself taken. Of course she is. Not to impress any gents, she assures her friends, but so that she'll be able to look at said snaps later in life, and revel in the prime of her beauty once she is elderly (and as such, of course, no longer "hot.") Whatever floats your boat, Samantha J., just keep said snaps out of the living room/other public spaces, hmmmm?

There is, of course, a dark side to Sam's "I wish to savor and appreciate my own loveliness" narrative here--said dark side being how Sam actually defines, and seeks to attain, said loveliness. Namely... by not eating that much. (When she and the ladies go out, she has hot water with lemon. Yum, so filling!) Eventually Sam realizes that this is perhaps not the healthiest course of action, and that she'd actually rather be, you know, alive and eat real food, than maintain her "perfect" body. And so she starts to eat properly again. Yay, food! Let's never fight again, I hate when we are parted, even for a short period of time.

And there is actually a Stanford plotline in this episode, as well, imagine that! Of course, it is about Stanford wading deep into the waters of the Dating Humiliation Pool... what else could it possibly be?

So Stanford is lamenting his lack of recent romantic luck to Carrie, and Carrie and Charlotte decide that they need to find a nice guy to fix him up with immediately, if not sooner. Since Charlotte's wedding stylist Anthony seems to be the only other gay gent whom Charlotte knows, she decides that the commitment-averse, "I only like guys who are stunningly beautiful" Anthony would be a perfect match for the serious-boyfriend-seeking, bespectacled Stanford. Oh dear.

Turns out, of course, that it is not a perfect match--Anthony takes one look at Stanford, decides that he's not good-looking enough for him, and leaves, and Stanford (unsurprisingly) decides that he's not too keen on Anthony, either. (Stanford: "I've been rejected by someone I wasn't interested in. I hate when that happens.") Sorry, Stanford! Maybe try to be a smidge less ragingly shallow in future, Anthony!

The Analysis:

LGBT Folks Watch: Fashion show guru Lynn's omnipresent (and silent) companion, Damian, is gay. Seems like a nice gent, wears festive sunglasses... hard to know anything else about him, however, since he is silent as the grave--mute as the tomb--quiet as a mouse--and other cliches about people who don't say much. And then of course, we have Stanford and Anthony--Anthony being portrayed as the height of "he doesn't go to the gym as much as me, and is therefore totally unsuitable as a romantic prospect" image-obsessed shallowness, and Stanford as Tragic Dating Victim and Staunch Support/Sidekick to Carrie, as per usual. The late, great makeup artist Kevyn Aucoin also makes a cameo in the episode--gets a few lines, diffuses some of his considerable charm, works some serious makeup magic on Carrie's eyes, and then disappears. Rest in peace, sir.

People of Color Watch: Silent Damian is Asian-American, as is Lynn. Lynn (unlike her unspeaking companion) plays a pretty significant role in the episode--she's represented as rather loopy, but also as both a talented professional and an interesting person... imagine that! An Asian-American woman in SATC who is neither a dragon lady nor a Madame Butterfly-wannabe! Shocking! Of course, she disappears after this episode, never to be seen again... but fun having her around while it lasted. Buh-bye, Margaret Cho! Write more feminist books, please!

Actors Appearing Twice in the Series--I Will Catch You When You Attempt It, Casting Directors, Watch: I suspect SATC must have been a real boon for New York-based actors during its run--I would be pleased to think so, anyway... nice to think of talented thespians picking up an episode or two of SATC here and there in between doing Shakespeare Off-Broadway, and portraying serial killers on Law and Order.

Once again, the casting directors have slipped in an actor who had appeared earlier in the series in a different part--ha ha! Thought I wouldn't notice, did you, SATC peeps? That was your first mistake! My capacity to notice uninteresting details is boundless--boundless, I tell you! So, the guy who plays Carrie's passing flirtation Paul also played one of Big's sleazy friends way back in Season One. Glad to know that he's cleaned up his act a bit since then--from slimy playboy to thoughtful photographer. Better to go from A to B, then from B to A, I reckon!

Vulvodynia, Serious Illness or Subject for Jokes: A Discussion:

Serious Illness: Well, I will say that I appreciate a high-profile show like SATC even bringing up vulvodynia as a topic of discussion, since loads of people don't even know it exists, but lots of women suffer from it. So... that part of it is good, anyway.

Subject for Jokes: Ha HA, hilarious. Charlotte actually has to keep a journal of her symptoms for her doctor! What could be funnier than a lady documenting painful physical symptoms taking place in her Lady Area? Ah, what a rich vein for humor it is.

Serious Illness: Weeeellll, I was going to mention that... I'm actually not so fond of the way that this episode brings up vulvodynia, but then makes it purely a source of comedy for the other ladies to tease Charlotte about, and also treats it like it's no more serious than a yeast infection--keep a journal for a few weeks, look at yourself in a hand mirror, and poof! You're cured! Not sure it's that simple, in real life. Maybe there was a way that they could have mentioned the disease without making it seem both trivial and amusing?

Subject for Jokes: [Wiping away tears from its eyes, as it has been laughing so hard.] Stop, stop, you're killing me--I mean, Charlotte actually has to go on mood elevators to try to cope with the problem. Her vagina is depressed. It's HILARIOUS. I cannot think of any part of this whole thing that isn't funny.

Serious Illness: Weeeeelllll, is there a difference between seeing the absurdity and humor in the necessary indignities of illness and its treatment, and mocking that illness altogether, and making it seem fundamentally unserious and silly?

Subject for Jokes: [Sides still shaking with suppressed laughter]: Ummmmm--nope, don't think so.

Serious Illness: [Leaves some pamphlets about vulvodynia on the table, in the vain hope that Subject for Jokes might read them, and walks out.]

Ladies: Do Not Be Self-Doubting--But Also, Do Not Be Self-Confident Watch: Pooooor Miranda. Charlotte may have vulvodynia, and Carrie may have fallen flat on her face on a runway, but Miranda is once again in the throes of Self-Doubting and Self-Denigrating. As I have discussed before--I am not really a fan of this self-denigration!

And to the show's credit, I don't think that it is, either--the writers represent Miranda's consternation at being seen as sexy as patently absurd, and show Carrie giving her a good slap upside the head about her bafflement and disbelief--of course Miranda is sexy, and deserves to be recognized as such.

Altogether, I think that the episode does a nice job of emphasizing the fact that Miranda's doubts and inaccuracies about her own attractiveness are absurd, while also noting that it's entirely natural that she should nonetheless be riddled with them--living in a world in which the standards of what female "sexiness" are are decidedly unrealistic, distorted, and unattainable, it's not surprising that lots of women (including the otherwise meticulously analytical and skeptical Miranda) would have drunk some of this particular KoolAid, and be haunted by the fear that they are somehow not (and never will be) "enough" in the Beauty and Sexiness department.

The only thing about the Miranda plotline that sticks in my craw here is that Miranda loses the guy in this episode, not for being insufficiently confident, but rather for being too confident. Le sigh. He is totally into her when she is blushingly, self-deprecatingly denying his assertions that she's sexy--but as soon as she starts to believe it herself, and to talk about her confidence and her happiness in herself... he loses interest. Oh dear. This could be a simple case of "well--then said guy is a jerk!", but I think that the episode actually suggests that it's Miranda who is at "fault" here--that she let his praise go to her head, and that's that a bad thing. Modesty, ladies! Let that forever be your watchword and your guide!

So, in sum--I will give one point to this episode for realistically and sympathetically representing Miranda's doubts about her own attractiveness and self-worth, and take one point away for the episode suggesting that feeling too confident in her own attractiveness and self-worth is problematic. Which, of course, leaves us with a score of... precisely zero. Ah well. Better that than being in the minus ranges, I suppose! We must thank heavens for small mercies!

Body Positivity, Comfort in One's Own Body, Rethinking The Body and Beauty, Other Things Having To Do With Words That Begin with "B" and End In "Y" Watch: Ah, things I like about how this episode handles issues surrounding women's struggles to love and accept their bodies, let me count the ways:

1) Charlotte looking at her vagina in a hand mirror, and not being repulsed by what she sees, but rather delighted and fascinated. Excellent, Betty Dodson and Eve Ensler would be so proud! Having previously internalized the message that her genitals were ugly, and that she was better off knowing nothing about them and their various shenanigans, she actually overcomes such notions here, and achieves a new level of comfort with, and appreciation of, herself. Yay for not finding one's own body repulsive and distasteful!

2) Sam deciding that feeding her body is more important than rigidly controlling how it looks. I do indeed quite like the Sam plotline here, with Samantha overcoming her obsession with looking "perfect" in favor of actually, you know, eating solid food. Perhaps it is a little facile to show her going from "I will only eat steamed vegetables!" to "Bring on the carbs!" in the space of one episode... but still, I think that it works pretty well here. By the end of the episode, Sam is more focused on how she feels than how she looks, and though this by no means, well, means that her struggles with beauty culture and body image are over, it still seems like she has achieved some measure of inner peace here. I'll take it!

3) Carrie loosening her grip on her obsession with perfection and beauty a bit. Throughout the episode, Carrie (always one to throw herself head first into her Obsession of the Moment), is fixated on the notion of "models as perfect, and self as too short, too awkward, etc." Nice to see her let go of those "if I do not look like Heidi Klum, then I must be a hideous, inferior monster" notions a little--in part because of Paul smacking her upside the head for thinking that beauty=unblemished and static perfection. He makes quite a nice little speech about how it's people's flaws, complications, and imperfections which actually make them beautiful. Awwwww.

Next Up...?: "Defining Moments," in which Charlotte continues to try to figure out what the Sam Hill is happening in her marriage (good luck with that!), Sam finds herself attracted to a "fiery" Brazilian artist, who also happens to be a lady (I can't see any stereotypes about either lesbians or Hispanic women coming out of that one), Carrie tries to be friends with Big (greeeeeeat idea, brillllliant), and Miranda is cruising for humiliation of various kinds (because what else could she possibly be cruising for?)

Season Four, Episode One: The Agony and the 'Ex'-Tacy

The Summary:

Ah, Season Four! How you did sneak up on me!

I will tell you now, dear readers, that Season Four might well be my favorite season of them all... but fret not, I still find loads of things about it deeply problematic. You're never in less than reliably cantankerous, crabby, and critical hands here at BOCS, I promise you!

All right, so, we start off Season Four in festive party mode... festive engagement party mode, to be precise. The ladies attend the engagement party of some mutual friends, and said attendance/party sparks off some Thoughtful Musings on their parts about marriage, singlehood, no longer being in the first flush of one's dewy youth and still unpaired off, whether or not there is such a thing as (as the engaged couple ardently proclaims themselves to be) "soulmates," etc. (As Carrie inquires, in what becomes the episode's central question, "soulmates: reality, or torture device?")

In addition to reflecting on the Soulmate Question, Carrie is also contemplating her 35th birthday, which is almost upon her. She's... not too happy about the advent of said birthday! This lack of happiness is not diminished when the 35th birthday party which her friends seek to throw her results (through a series of mischances) in Carrie sitting in a restaurant all alone, feeling all alone--not just in the eatery, specifically, but also in the universe, generally. (Carrie, to the ladies, in the aftermath of Disastrous Would-Be Party: "I am 35, and alone..... I hate myself a little for saying this, but it felt really sad, not to have a man in my life who cares about me. No special guy to wish me a happy birthday--no goddamned soulmate. And I don't even know if I believe in soulmates.") Sorrow.

But then again... perhaps not such sorrow. Charlotte suggests to the other ladies that "maybe we could be each other's soulmates, and then maybe we could just let men be these great, nice guys to have fun with." Yup, you heard me right, that was Mrs. Charlotte MacDougal suggesting a revamp of the Soulmate Model. (But I thought she wrote the original Soulmate Model???) The ladies conclude this sounds like a plan, and then eat some ice cream. All's well that ends well, I s'pose!

Oh, and before I move on from Carrie, I am compelled to mention that Big is also present in this episode--Carrie invites him to her birthday party. He doesn't show up to that, but does show up at her stoop (doesn't he know I'm the one who has dibs on going back there?) with champagne, and some birthday balloons. They talk about soulmates, and both conclude that Love is a Mystery, and neither of them has a clue about it. They enjoy the champagne, though, and one another's company in a pleasant, friendly way which does not seem poised to result in me wishing to kill myself. So... I'll take it!

All right, so, what of the other ladies? I'll start with Sam, as her plotline is the one which I find the most numbingly uninteresting. She spies a beautiful priest one day (as one will), lusts after him in heart, and subsequently tries to tempt him into breaking his vows. But... no dice. Vows stay kept, Sam goes away empty-handed. Ms. Jones, have we learned nothing from your previous lusting after celibate holy men in Season One? It seems not!

Charlotte, meanwhile, is trying to figure things out with Trey. Should they get back together? Should they get divorced?? Is he her soulmate??? Charlotte doesn't know, on any of these fronts. Confusion--it reigns supreme. The only thing she is sure of is that when their last would-be tryst ends with something in the premature ejaculation vein happening on one of her pretty dresses, that she is displeased. Me too, the dress does not deserve such things!

Miranda's dresses, happily, are going unmolested, but this does not mean that she does not have some frustrations of her very own, because, of course she does--said frustrations centering on her compulsion to put on a little comedy routine about her disastrous dating life whenever an engaged or married acquaintance asks her about whether or not she herself is yet hitched (or ever likely to become so.) (Miranda, explaining this modus operandi to Carrie: "Society views single people our age as sad and pathetic... and so I go on the offensive and make them laugh. Just trying to avoid the Pity Party.")

But when she bumps into her married friend Shelia on the street one day, she doesn't feel like launching into her usual "ah, amusing, single me, what with my Bridget-Jones-like half-humiliating, half-entertaining romantic mishaps!" comedy routine. When Shelia reassures her that her One and Only Soulmate is definitely still out there, Miranda doesn't launch into her usual jokes on the subject, but instead unamusingly begs to differ. (Miranda: "Maybe, maybe not...I'm not sure I believe all that. Maybe there isn't someone for everyone.")

Having thus sufficiently harshed her friend's Love Buzz, Miranda then realizes that it's not just single people of a certain age who feel sensitive about not hitting the social ideal of "spouse, kids, picket fence"... whilst they are chatting, the childless-by-choice Shelia launches into a would-be comedic monologue about why she and her husband aren't having youngsters, even though everyone expects them to. Miranda (and we, the humble viewers) cannot help but be struck by the fact that this spiel sounds not at all unlike Miranda's would-be comedic monologues about her persistent single state. Ah, social pressures! They fall both on the partnered and single alike, it seems! Thanks for being even-handed, there, pressures!

The Analysis:

LGBT Folks Watch: We hear Stanford's voice on Carrie's answering machine, apologizing for not being able to make Disaster Birthday Party--but that's about it. All right, Season Four is off to a raring start!

Insignificant, But to Me Necessary, Note About Capes: So in this episode, Carrie wears a succession of truly gorgeous vintage capes (which the costume designer Pat Field tracked down in thrift stores, bless her heart) with which I am unambiguously in love. I myself just purchased a gray wool cape for $6.00 from a thrift store, meself, and am unambiguously in love with that, as well. I'm a soft touch, me, I'll give my heart away to anything which is swirly, vintage, and CHEAP.

Charlotte Actually Taking Charge of Her Own Life, Rather Than Waiting For Someone To Take Charge of It For Her--Excellent! Watch: In her continuing efforts to try to make sense of her relationship with Trey (what is it? what does it meeeean?), Charlotte... actually stands up for herself, and works to take control of the situation, eventually asking Trey to stop calling her, to give herself some space to figure out what she wants and needs--and then she'll call him when she's ready to talk. Wow. The Charlotte of Season One would have dismissed this as radical, unladylike behavior of the worst possible description, and fainted away in horror at the very thought of doing such a thing. But the Charlotte of Season Four actually feels comfortable directly articulating what she wants and needs to the gent in her life, and not letting him be the only one to make decisions about the future of their relationship. Nicely done, Mrs. M!

Masturbation, Treating It as Normal! Amazing! Watch: So you may recall that in Season One, the hapless Charlotte gets so much addicted to the solitary vice that Miranda and Carrie literally have to stage an intervention, and take her favorite vibrator away. (Of course, I am told that this kind of thing is a very common occurrence.) In my discussion of said episode, I noted that I found it more than little unsettling that the show thus neatly played into some rather distasteful stereotypes about female masturbation--it is a sad and pathetic substitute for a man! It turns ladies into crazy recluses!, etc.

Imagine, then, how pleased I am to see masturbation treated as... something normal and unremarkable in this episode. At one point, all four ladies discuss it (as part of their discussion of Sam's sighing over her Forbidden Priest, naturally, about which whole storyline... yawn, I don't care), with Charlotte taking part in this conversation in a way which makes it clear that she and the solitary vice are not strangers. And yet... she does not seem to have turned into the madwoman in the attic! Amazing!

Having Carrie, Charlotte, and Miranda all talk about masturbation as though it was just a normal part of their sexual lives rather warms the cockles of my icy spinster's heart, since these three are the relatable, non-outrageous, (and in Charlotte's case) even conservative characters in the series. The fact that Samantha talks about it quite a bit (and that Sam and masturbation often feature in the episodes' comedic subplots) I find less useful, as she's always the outlier, the boundary pusher, the hypersexual one... but to have the three "normal" ladies talking about masturbation in tones which one could not find in a nineteenth-century tract written by members of the purity movement ("It will deform a ladies' very SOUL!", etc.)--I call that progress!

"Are You Telling Me You Didn't See Those 'Don't Worry, You'll Find Someone' Looks?": Discussing Singlehood and Soulmates in Some Nifty Ways Watch: I'm not going to pull any punches here, my friends, I will tell you quite candidly, up front and without prompting, that I love this episode. Yes, the Sam plotline bores me to tears, and I feel badly for Charlotte, getting her dresses ruined by her persistently headache-making spouse, but besides that--I think there are many festive things on display here, most of which have to do with musings about singlehood, marriage, soulmate-hood, and social pressures and perceptions of all these things. Oh, Season Four, Episode One, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

1) Questioning tidy, conventional romantic narratives. The lass whose engagement party the ladies attend fits the tidy, conventional romance narrative to a T (or seems to do so, anyway)--as she tells all the women there, the instant she met her husband-to-be, she knew he was perfect, that he was the One, that her search for a spouse was over, and that all was right with the universe. She and her hubby-to-be seem genuinely happy, and mazel tov to them--but the episode isn't really interested in them, which in and of itself, I find rather pleasant--the neat and tidy search for love, which ended with the glitzy engagement party does not interest the writers too terribly much... it's the messier, more ambiguous things happening in our heroines' lives which intrigue them, and bless them for that.

As they do throughout the series, in this episode the writers are concerned with circling absolute declarations like that of the Engaged Lass (about the perfection of love, the instantaneousness of recognizing it, the indisputable existence of your one, true soulmate, etc.) with rings upon rings of question marks. They suggest that maybe things aren't quite so simple--Charlotte loves Trey, but that doesn't make their love perfect, or her absolutely certain that he's her soulmate. Carrie believes in love, but isn't sure that she believes in (as Charlotte puts it) "that one perfect person who's out there to complete you." Throughout the episode, all four women (okay, three--Sam is too occupied chasing her priest--good luck with that, Jones!) poke holes in the tidy "Now that I have found my one true love, my life is paradise!" narrative offered by the Engaged Lass at the beginning of the episode. And that kind of makes me love them.

2) Questioning the idea that a single lass is one lost half of an as-of-yet-incomplete whole. In talking about soulmates, Charlotte and Miranda (not perhaps entirely shockingly) disagree about that notion. Charlotte says there has to be that someone out there who makes you complete, an idea which Miranda rejects ("And, what, if you don't find him, you're incomplete? It's so dangerous.... you're still looking outside yourself, and saying you're not enough.")

Ultimately, this seems to be the perspective which the writers expect us to agree with--Charlotte gets her "perfect soulmate who completes you" idea rattled quite a bit over the course of the episode, as she continues to face imperfections from and struggles in her dealings with Trey... he's her husband, and she loves him, yet he doesn't seem to be giving her that sense of completion and perfection which the soulmate ideal promises... enough to make a gal think, now, ain't it? I do appreciate the writers actively questioning the ever-popular "you complete me" narrative here. Good times.

3) Raising the possibility of friends, and not just romantic partners, as soulmates. I do also find Charlotte's speech about she and her friends being one another's soulmates rather touching here, as well. It's a neat way of summarizing one of the ideas that has been front and center in the series from the beginning--the concept that your friends will offer you unconditional love and support no matter what--that they will be a constant, no matter what else in your life may shift. Nifty to see the show once again putting that bright spotlight on female friendship, and noting that it (as well as male romantic partners/spouses) can be a central core of women's emotional lives. Carroll Smith-Rosenberg would just eat that up!

Stigma Against Female Childlessness: Let Us Acknowledge It! Watch: It is a small thing, really, but I also do enjoy the little "lightbulb over Miranda's head" moment towards the end of the episode, where she realizes that it's not just ladies who are single who face social pressure and disapproval for failing to conform to the "ideal" life model. The anxiety which her friend Shelia clearly feels about "explaining" her persistent childless state is very much like the anxiety which Miranda herself feels to "explain" her persistent single state--coincidence? The episode suggests not. From what Shelia says, it's clear that neither she nor her husband wants kids, but that she nonetheless feels the need to explain and justify this fact, in part by making self-deprecating jokes about it. Nice to see the episode showing these two women suffering from a case of what the series will later call the "should"s--Miranda is 35, she should be married! Shelia has been married for five years, she should have kids! Is that what they actually want? Ummmmm, who cares? Get crackin', ladies!!!

Notable Quotables: Miranda to Carrie, as they're leaving the engagement party: "We were the only single people in there." Carrie: "Miranda, we're the only single people anywhere."

Next Up...?: "The Real Me" featuring Margaret Cho as a special guest star, and musings about female beauty and self-worth aplenty. Excellent!