Season Four, Episode Fifteen: Change of a Dress

The Summary:

Good day to you, my friends! Are you ready for some pretty heavy-duty discussions of marriage, and some extended scenes of tap-dancing? You are? Bless you, valiant reader. You are always up for things, no matter how weird said things may be.

So, as we know, Carrie is very much engaged, and has very mixed feelings about said engagement. She keeps trying to reconcile being An Engaged Woman with being Carrie Bradshaw--with often uneasy results. (I.e., not loving the whole engagement ring angle, Carrie takes to wearing the ring around her neck. And burying it in amidst many, many other necklaces. Coming from a woman who loves to express herself through her sartorial choices, this... seems ominous!)

Carrie is starting to get a considerable amount of Engagement and Wedding Pressure--everyone she meets seems to want her to gush excitedly about her wedding plans (which she is notably not doing), and Aidan is making it clear that he'd like to set a date for said wedding ASAP (which Carrie has notably been actively avoiding doing.)

In amidst all of this ambivalence, doubt, avoidance, pressure, etc., Miranda suggests to Carrie that they go to a hideous, tacky bridal boutique and have Carrie try on a wedding dress... it will be, Miranda claims, like "aversion shock therapy." Face the Demon of Wedding Fear and Angst head on, and hopefully banish it from her life forever.

Though alas, things do not turn out quite as Miranda had hoped... seeing herself swathed in a Princess Di-like meringue of a dress, looking every inch the hyper-traditional, fairy-tale bride, Carrie loses it, tearing herself out of the dress in a panic attack in the middle of the boutique. (Sorry, dress!)

Carrie finally confesses to her friends (and herself) that she just doesn't want to get married--she'd accepted Aidan's proposal because she loves him, and knew that saying yes was what she was "supposed" to do... but in the end, she just can't do it. The very idea of marriage is making her break out in a nasty-looking rash. (Sorry, skin!)

She eventually shares some of these concerns with Aidan (and I do mean "some" of them), telling him that she's "not ready to get married yet" and "needs more time." Aidan, while clearly not happy about this state of affairs, agrees to back off and give her some time and space. And thus, an uneasy peace reigns!

Until, that is, the night of the Black and White Ball which Samantha's Richard is throwing, when he and Carrie are (conveniently for the writers, inconveniently for Carrie) wearing a tux and a white dress, respectively, and he suggests that they just throw caution to the wind, and get married that very night. What ensues is a tense, difficult discussion about love, marriage, and their future, in which Carrie and Aidan learn just how very different their ideas about said future are. (I.e., Aidan: "People fall in love, they get married--that's what they do." Carrie: "Not necessarily." Ohhhhhh dear.)

So to recap: Aidan: sick of having girlfriends, wants to be married. Wants, as he tells Carrie, "the whole wide world to know that you're mine." And by the whole wide world, yes, he does mean Big--that affair, Ms. Bradshaw! How it comes back to bite you in the tuckus once again! Carrie: doesn't see why they need to get married--why they can't just keep things the way they are, and be committed to one another, yet unhitched. Questions why Aidan needs them to be married in order to feel secure in her affection and loyalty. (See: affair, above.)

There are ultimatums, there are tears, there is much anguished-inability-to-find-any-common-ground. They break up, and Aidan moves out the next day. (Waaaaaaahhhhh.) And somewhere out there, John Corbett wistfully bid his last (or so he thought) HBO paycheck goodbye...

JEEPERS. Heavy stuff. Miranda is having somewhat of an easier time of it (i.e., no drastic heartbreak whilst wearing a beautiful white gown--always a plus!), but still struggling with the pressures being placed on her--i.e., in terms of how she is "supposed" to react when she tells anyone that she is pregnant/tells anyone anything about her pregnancy. (Miranda: "Everyone else is glowing about my pregnancy, when will I?")

Going for an ultrasound, Miranda learns from her doctor that she is having a boy. (Mazel tov, Ms. Hobbes!) She absorbs this information rather matter-of-factly, thus disappointing her doctor, who is clearly waiting for a gushy outpouring of joy. Seeing this disappointment, Miranda decides to (however fakely) provide her doctor with at least a simulacrum of such festive outpourings. (Miranda to Carrie: "I just faked a sonogram.") Constantly expected to be jubilant and ecstatic about her pregnancy (even by complete strangers) at all times, Miranda is... tired. She loves: the quiet moment of wonder she experiences when, alone at home one night, she feels her baby kick for the first time. She hates: having to put on the Happy Pregnancy Show for every passer-by. Hang in there, Ms. M! This is a TV pregnancy, after all, so those nine months should be up any day now!

Charlotte, in the meantime, keeps telling herself (and anyone else who will listen) that she is not going to let her divorce get her down. Getting divorced, she declares, will be like "pulling off a Band-Aid"--no fuss, no muss. Hmmmm. Of course it will.

Except Charlotte (in the middle of a tap class which she is taking, as care-free, soon-to-be divorcees will) has a meltdown which makes her realize that she can't just pretend that she is feeling no pain from her pending divorce--that she has, instead, to deal with said pain. Sigh. Too bad, tap dancing does look like more fun!

So as Charlotte and Carrie are watching their relationships fall apart, Sam is hoping to change hers... into a monogamous one. (Whaaaaaat? Who are you, and what have you done with the Samantha Jones we've known/loved/watched gleefully sleep around for the past four seasons?) She is in love, you see, and wants to date no one but Richard--and have Richard date no one but her.

Richard, however, is not so much on board with this. (Richard to Sam: "We're not the monotonous--I mean, monogamous--types." You look darned snappy in a tux, sir, but please know that I don't. Like. You.) Crushed by Richard's refusal to even consider going steady, Samantha embarks on a fling with a sleazy journalist... unfortunately for her, it transpires, as Richard catches her in the midst of said tryst, just as he was about to suggest that they try monogamy after all. Oopsies! Sorry, Ms. Jones!

The Analysis:

Bizarre Fashion Watch: I feel compelled to pause the action to tell you that in this episode (as she and Miranda are on their way to the horrendous bridal shop), Carrie wears one of my very favorite, cracked-out ensembles of the entire show--my very favorite part of the general madness (warning: there are belts over bare midriffs involved) being a green felt tiara which looks like it was made by a high schooler playing Titania in her school play. What can I say? I am a sucker for a cracked-out headpiece!

People of Color Watch: Charlotte's tap teacher is African-American actor, choreographer, professor, doctorate-holder, and all around awesome and excessively multi-talented person Andre De Shields. He... gets the chance to dance. And that is all. Hope it was a lucrative gig for him, anyway!

Miranda's doctor (unnamed) is also African-American. Nice to see an African-American professional woman present in the series, even if she does have approx. three lines (and at least 90 percent of these are her pressuring Miranda to act happier about her pending baby boy.) Oh well--beggars, choosers, etc.

Wedding Pressure, Maternal Pressure, General Lady-Themed Pressure Watch: It will perhaps not entirely shock you to learn, considering the way I've been carrying on in my last few posts, that one of my favorite things about this episode is how it handles the way which society expects Carrie and Miranda to feel/act as engaged/pregnant women, and the way which they actually do feel/act.

Carrie, of course, is not at all psyched to be engaged--she knows that she "should" be... but she's not, so all of the external "why aren't you gushing about how excited you are to pick out a dress/set a date?" type pressure makes things that much worse for her. She's very conscious of the cultural script which she "should" be following--i.e., proudly showing off her engagement ring to everyone within a three-mile radius, rather than burying it amidst ropes of pearls around her neck--but try as she might, she just can't make herself do so. One of my favorite scenes in the episode is one in which Carrie buys a fistful of bridal magazines to try to "reprogram her attitude," only to find that it is totally futile--she feels how she feels, and no amount of bridal-themed photo spreads can make her feel differently.

[Blogger's note: please file away this moment of Carrie's "I just don't get wedding culture and have no interest in being a bride" within your mental filing cabinet for when we get to the first movie, when she indulges in a bridal fashion photo shoot for approximately six hours, during which time she remains consistently, blissfully dazed by wedding accouterments, and I want to kill myself by drinking the nearest bottle of bleach.]

Miranda, too, is very keenly aware of how she is "supposed" to act as a mommy-to-be... putting on overt shows of glee for even the most casual of casual observers, etc. Miranda is in awe of her pregnancy (once again, Cynthia Nixon gets to show off her considerable acting chops, in the scene where Miranda feels her baby move for the first time)--but it is a quiet, private kind of awe and happiness. She smiles to herself when she feels her baby kick, but she has no interest in burbling away about her baby joy to her co-workers, doctors, acquaintances, etc.

And I love how Carrie and Miranda, while both aware that these narratives about how they are "supposed" to act are socially constructed, nonetheless feel tremendous pressure to conform to them, and (at least initially) reproach themselves for falling short of these "ideals." Perhaps not in such a dramatic fashion, but I suspect that every woman in our culture has felt that way at one point or another in her life... like she's not living up to our dominant norms of femininity, and (in spite of herself) feeling somehow like a failure for not doing so. I think that that whole angle is very skillfully handled by the writers--and watching Miranda Hobbes fake a sonogram? Comedy. Gold.

"If It's Just a Stupid Piece of Paper, Then Why Do We Need It?": Intriguing, if Painful, Debates about Marriage Watch: So, as I am sure is obvious, I lovvvvvve this episode--one of my favorites in the series, hands down. Season Four is just so sad and complicated and nuanced and generally great. I heart it. (All that gushing which Carrie couldn't bring herself to do about her wedding... must be coming out through me, I suppose.)

Somehow, even though I hate to see Carrie and Aidan break up (they were clearly doomed as a couple, but he is so nice and normal! Sigh.), I also... love to see them break up, because they do so in such a realistic, interesting way--slamming into a brick wall re: whether or not to get married, in much the same way that Charlotte and Trey had previously slammed into an adjacent brick wall re: whether or not to have children. I imagine that these two issues are responsible for many a break-up (or at least, many a difficult conversation between significant others) and it's nice to see them being given so much--and so much complex--screen time.

Because the writers do, indeed, do a very nice job of making you absolutely see where both Carrie and Aidan are coming from here, and to sympathize with both of them in their hurt and confusion. Aidan wants to marry Carrie--to make their commitment to one another concrete, legal, and official. He is almost 40, and sick of having girlfriends--he wants to be a married man. And the episode doesn't mock him for that, but rather presents his needs as authentic and legitimate.

But happily it does the same for Carrie, who is not wedded (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?) to the "committed, monogamous relationship = marriage" equation. She loves Aidan, and has no intention of becoming involved with anyone else (finally), but nonetheless feels a fundamental resistance to the idea of being married--which the show also represents respectfully. It's painful to see these two tear each other and their relationship to pieces over the Marriage Question--but to be true to themselves, unfortunately, they have to.

And I am so glad that we do not get the Hollywood version of their story here, in which Carrie realizes the error of her ways, and rushes off to marry Aidan in the last scene. (Probably chasing him through an airport to do so...?) The story which we get here is much sadder, if also much more pleasantly reflective of the reality that there is a wide spectrum of ideas out there about what love means, and where it leads. Thanks for that, writers! I am going to pretend, for the time being, that you don't flush all this nuance and complexity right down the toilet in the first film. [Ominously, under breath: For now, anyway...]

Scene That I Simply Love Watch: I can't make it fit tidily into my feminist analysis, but I must share with you that one of my all-time favorite scenes in the series is the one in which Carrie and Miranda go to the "where ugly tulle goes to die" bridal shop, and both try on wedding dresses. (For Carrie has stipulated that she'll only try on a hideous wedding dress if Miranda does, too. Wise woman.) They put on quite the show for the bemused saleslady, who is understandably baffled by a pregnant lady and a lady wearing green felt horns showing up on her doorstep demanding to be given dresses akin to "a giant cupcake." And the dresses which they do end up trying on really are quite delightfully awful.

The scene also moves from charming wedding-dress comedy to high marriage-themed drama without a hitch the instant that Carrie catches a glimpse of herself all be-whited and be-veiled, and has her marriage meltdown. It is just... fabulous. You should watch it (it starts about two minutes into the clip--trust me, these wedding dresses... will haunt your nightmares for many a month to come. I love the sleeves on Miranda's so, so much! One could conceal a loaf of bread within them! Or perhaps two!)

Notable Quotables: Carrie: "I'm missing the bride gene. I should be put in a test tube and studied."

Carrie's voiceover: "As progressive as our society claims to be, there are still some life targets we're all supposed to hit: marriage, babies, and a home to call your own. But what if instead of breaking out in a smile, you break out in a rash? Is something wrong with the system, or is it you?"

Samantha: "I think I have monogamy. I must have caught it from you people."
Carrie: "Now it's airborne!"

Next Up...?: "Ring a Ding Ding," in which Carrie contemplates being an ex-fiancee, Charlotte contemplates being an ex-wife, Miranda contemplates the unpleasant physical aspects of being massively pregnant, and Samantha keeps getting persistently showered with expensive gifts by Richard. Hmmm. Which of these ladies would you rather be?

Season Four, Episode Fourteen: All That Glitters...

The Summary:

Welcome back, my friends! Are you up for more relationship-themed struggles and strifes? I do hope so, for that is what we have before us!

So Carrie is still struggling with embracing her new identity of Fiancee/Bride-to-Be. (Carrie: "I keep forgetting I'm engaged!" Words to warm the heart of any prospective-groom-to-be, I am sure!) In this episode, she muses over whether or not, to be one of The Coupled, a lass "has to put her single self on a shelf."

The question has become particularly vivid to her since she and Aidan moved in together, as, come the evening, more often than not, she is eager to go out and paint the town red (or whatever other color seems appropriate), whereas her beloved would rather stay in and watch sports, whilst eating Kentucky Fried Chicken out of a bucket. I see.

Out and about one evening sans Aidan, Carrie happens upon a beautiful, gay Australian shoe distributor (as one will), with whom she strikes up a friendship. They talk a lot about monogamy and commitment, and Carrie wonders if the lovely Aussie (Oliver by name) is onto something, with his theory of "not getting everything from one man."

In the end, however, she finds, in gadding about town with Oliver, that she actually misses Aidan, and (while not giving up her town-gadfly ways) actually wants to spend some evenings at home with him--because though not a "quiet night at home" aficionado, she is an Aidan aficionado. But, mercifully, even when she stays in, she is not compelled to either watch sports, or consume fried chicken products. Excellent!

There is also a brief, insignificant subplot in which Stanford (yay! Stanford! where have you been, sir???), in his role as Carrie's "gay husband," gets jealous of all of the time which she is spending with her new "gay boyfriend," Oliver. Said brief, insignificant subplot ends with Stanford kissing Oliver (as one will), and also features Stanford wearing an electric green suit which Elton John would likely dub "a bit much." I love Stanford.

On the Miranda front--whilst she and the other ladies are at a gay nightclub one night (about which--way to appropriate other people's space, straight ladies!), she bumps into a male co-worker, Max, whom she hadn't previously known was gay. He asks her to keep said gayness on the DL at work, which she agrees to do. In the spirit of fair play and secret sharing, she tells him that she's pregnant, but doesn't want anyone at work to know, since she knows that pregnancy and motherhood are not super-favorably regarded for the Lady Workers there. He, in turn, agrees to keep her secret safe. What could possibly go wrong there, I ask you?

A great deal, it transpires, as, through a series of mischances, they both end up "outing" each other to their colleagues. Alas. They both take it in a valiant spirit, however, with Max no longer trying to conceal his orientation from the senior partners, and Miranda showing up to work in a slinky, baby-bump-hugging number which at once says "I am pregnant!" and "I am still at work, so don't even think about in any way undermining my professional position because of said pregnancy!" (It also says "I am Cynthia Nixon, and once the show's stylists finally stopped dressing me in men's pantsuits from the '80s all the time, I. Look. Awesome.")

Also at the gay club (what a night that was!), Samantha takes some ecstasy given to her by a stranger (sounds... totally safe!), and then goes home to have sex with Richard. Under the influence of said stranger-given drugs, Sam tells Richard that she loves him. He... goes to sleep without saying anything. I see.

Madly uncomfortable about her massive emotional disclosure, Samantha finally brings up the Love Incident with Richard... and he laughs it off, saying that he totally gets it, she was high, one says crazzzzzy things whilst one is high, etc., etc. Samantha... is bummed, because, even though high on drugs given to her BY A STRANGER, SERIOUSLY, HOW DUMB ARE YOU, WOMAN at the time, turns out, she actually meant it. Alas.

And there is more alas to come, I fear--this time on the Charlotte and Trey marriage front. Things are not good at all there, I am afraid--when not yelling at each other, they are plain old not speaking to each other--and Charlotte can't really seem to see a way out of their current mess. She wants a baby, Trey does not. What to do about this impasse... Charlotte does not know.

In the end, they manage to have a real conversation about it all--Charlotte says she doesn't think that she should have to give up her dream of having a baby, Trey concedes that that is true, and offers to give her their apartment. And... finis. Their marriage = over. Sorry, Charlotte! Perhaps taking some ecstasy given to you by a stranger might help...?

The Analysis:

LGBT Folks Watch: And in this episode, we have... four! Stanford and Anthony, Charlotte's erstwhile wedding stylist, both make appearances, and we also have two shiny, new (if also purely temporary--hello, and goodbye, new gents!) characters Oliver, and Anthony's current crush, Gordon. As you know, I heart Stanford, even though (as is sadly all too typical) he's not given much to do in this episode. Neither is Anthony or Gordon. Sorry, gents!

The most prominently featured gay bloke in the episode is, then, Oliver--he is, of course, quite beautiful, and proves to be a very charming companion for Carrie. (And Australian, as an added bonus. Hellooooo, accent!) And I am happy to say that he is... not presented altogether terribly! Excellent! In some ways, to be sure, he falls under the stereotype of "gay men love fashion, and are promiscuous"--but to the show's credit, Oliver goes out of his way to note that, although he and his boyfriend have an open relationship, their way of negotiating monogamy/polyamory/et. al. is but one way among many, and that among his coupled gay male friends, a wide variety of opinions and practices exist. Thank you, Oliver! (Both for that--AND FOR THE ACCENT.)

The least savory parts of LGBT representation in the episode come, not from actual gay folks, but from the ladies' discussions of (and interactions with) them. (Color me shocked.) For one thing, it does rather bother me that the ladies decide, just for giggles, that they're going to go to a nightclub intended for gay men. Really? Is that absolutely necessary? I have lesbian friends who talk a goodish bit about how irritating it is to go to a club intended to be their space to find straight folks cluttering up every corner. Isn't the point of an LGBT space... to be for LGBT folks? Perhaps?

It rather reminds me of when I was in college, and worked at the Women's Center on campus--without fail, every couple of months, we'd get some push-back from a fraternity about how it was "unfair" that we had such a space, and that they should be able to rent it out for their events. You have the entire world, gents. Is it too much for us to have one corner of it, for ourselves?

To be clear, I know that rigid separatism of any kind is a slippery slope/problem-ridden minefield in its own right--(I'm looking at you, Michigan Womyn's Festival!)--but something about gentlemen feeling like they are entitled to waltz uninvited into a space designated for women, or straight folks into a space designated for LGBT folks... does not sit quite right with me. Ask first, privileged people! It's only polite!

It also bothers me that when Oliver explains he and his boyfriend's terms for their open relationship to Carrie, she replies with, "Ah, the International Gay Rules!" Ummm, wasn't Oliver just saying that all of the gay male couples he knows all think about monogamy differently? I thought so. So isn't suggesting that Oliver and his boyfriend's definitions are somehow internationally representative of all gay men... inaccurate and insulting? Perhaps?

It also bothers me (more and more bothering on display here!) that when Carrie is gushing to her friends about how great Oliver is, Sam says that of course gay men make great friends, because they know what's important in life--"clothes, compliments, and cocks." I see. Not to denigrate any of those things, but is suggesting that gay men are narcissistic and fashion/sex-obsessed somewhat stereotypical? Perhaps?

And the final thing that bothers me (at long last! Just when you thought the day would never come!) is that, when Carrie first meets Oliver, he gives her a goody-bag from a porn film release party which he's just been to. (I mean, is there a great friendship, in either literature or life, which has not begun in a similar way?) She settles down to watch the film in question ("Jocks and Cocks 4" by name--as Oliver says "I was told it was a Merchant Ivory film." They sure are taking their work in some intriguing new directions!), and then insists that her friends watch it, too, because, as she says, "this is really funny." The ladies then proceed to walk the Jocks Epic while screaming with horrified laughter.

I 1) don't really care for the fact that the film is depicted as a source of horrified laughter, in the first place (remind me why this is so shocking and weird, again...?), and 2) reckon that the ladies must not have heard that a goodly number of straight women watch gay porn, not to mock and deride it, but rather to, well, watch it. Just sayin'!

"What Is It With You and This Ring?": More Negotiating of Engaged-Ness Watch: Once again in this episode, I think we have some interesting stuff going on re: Carrie trying to figure out how to be both herself and An Engaged Woman. She clearly feels significant anxiety about losing her identity and autonomy in her pending marriage, and it's kind of nice to see these anxieties being played out and explored by the show. Carrie loves Aidan and is committed to him, but is nonetheless finding settling into domestic couplehood challenging, and sinking into the roles of Bride and Future Wife distinctly uncomfortable. And bless the show for musing about that, because I think the market is already glutted with Shiny-Bride-Themed Fantasies and Once-You-Find-Your-Man-Your-Life-Will-Be-Perfect Narratives. (Darned market.)

"They Think We're the Perfect Couple": Illusions and Realities of Marriage Watch: So in this episode, Charlotte ends up getting tapped to have her and Trey's apartment photographed for inclusion in House and Garden magazine. They want to photograph she and Trey for the spread, as well, because, as she tells Trey "they think we're the perfect couple." Realizing that being featured in the magazine is a long-standing dream of Charlotte's, Trey agrees to the pictures (even though, by that point, they are already broken up. Nice Trey. Sad situation.)

When talking about what the magazine has meant to her, Charlotte remembers that when she was a girl, she used to look at the magazine's beautiful pictures of beautiful couples in their beautiful homes, and daydream herself into just such a future. And the picture of Charlotte and Trey--looking, indeed, like the perfect couple in their perfect home--will, Carrie's voiceover notes at the end of the episode, doubtless fuel similar fantasies on the part of a new generation of young girls.

I do like the way in which the episode thus highlights the disconnect between the idealized vision of what Charlotte had aspired to have (smooth, flawless wealth and storybook romantic happiness), and the reality of what she actually did have (a marriage wracked by impotence and infertility before it limped to an end.) Early in the series, Charlotte consistently expressed the opinion that once she had her rich, handsome husband and her plush, lovely home, her life would be complete. Looks like... not. A sad, interesting detail that she herself is now a myth-maker in her own right, promoting visions of glowing, affluent domesticity, just as her own hopes of actually living such a life have evaporated into nothing. Yeouch.

"Goodbye to All the Good Cases, and Then The Buzzards Start Circling for Your Office": Pregnancy and Motherhood in the Workplace Watch: I also appreciate that this episode starts to tackle what pregnancy and motherhood might mean for Miranda's career. The episode stresses that she is hoping to delay the revelation that she is up the spout for as long as possible, because as soon as the news is out, speculation about her longevity at, and her commitment to, her firm will begin. Sad that this should be the case in the 21st century, but surely, it is, and I am glad to see the episode take note of it. Combining motherhood with involvement in the paid workforce? Still made incredibly hard for many, many women in the U.S.--so Miranda's fears that her pending motherhood might cause her co-workers to take her less seriously, and jeopardize her future at her firm--sadly not unfounded.

Next Up...?: "Change of a Dress," in which Carrie grapples extensively with marriage issues, Miranda grapples extensively with pregnancy issues, Samantha grapples extensively with monogamy issues, and Charlotte... takes a tap dancing class. I see.

Season Four, Episode Thirteen: The Good Fight

The Summary:

Slap on your boxing gloves, sharpen your dueling swords, and, uh, do other stuff that people do whilst getting ready to fight (can you tell I was raised by pacifists?), my friends, because we are about to get fight-y!

So having accepted Aidan's marriage proposal in our last episode, Carrie has taken the first step down Future Married Couple Road, and she and Aidan are moving in together. And it is stressful, and terrible. (Though I must say, as someone about to move meself, the sight of all of those boxes untidily strewn all over Carrie's apartment... made me feel a bit better about all of the boxes untidily strewn all over my apartment. Yay! Untidiness!)

ANYWAY, Carrie is deeply annoyed that every time she sets foot in her apartment now, she has to navigate not only around all of Aidan's unending boxes of stuff, but also around Aidan himself, who is consistently all over her the instant she walks in the front door. (Aidan, the second Carrie comes into the apartment: "Hey, pop tart, where you been, and what you been doing?" Carrie: Looks silently murderous.)

Loving Aidan (despite the "pop tart" language--about which... sheeeesh), Carrie nonetheless deeply and passionately misses the peace and solitude which had been hers during her single, non-cohabiting life. She laments to her friends the sudden lack of opportunity to engage in what she dubs "my SSB--Secret Single Behavior... things you would never want your boyfriend to see you do." (Carrie's: eating stacks of crackers covered in jam, while standing in her kitchen reading fashion magazines. Miranda's: Putting on conditioning gloves and watching infomercials. Charlotte's: Studying her pores in a magnifying mirror. Samantha's... non-existent.)

Carrie's frustration about suddenly having to share her space and have her solitude compromised explodes out in a fight which she has with Aidan about (initially) the mad dissemination of his stuff all over her apartment. (Carrie, rifling through Aidan's boxes: "Who needs five, almost empty SpeedStick deodorants??? What are you, a crazy bag man???") The fight deepens into a broader-themed yelling match about how claustrophobic Carrie feels with Aidan in her space, and how excluded Aidan feels when she insists on calling it her space (rather than their space), in the first place.

After not being on speaking terms for several days, they finally have a rational discussion in which Carrie asks Aidan to give her a bit of space and alone time, even when they are at home in her tiny apartment at the same time. He acquiesces. They are happy. The episode ends with them cuddling, rather than about to kill each other. Excellent!

Miranda, meanwhile, is anxious--she is off on a blind date with a dashing gent named Walker, and concludes (by the end of said date) that sleeping with Walker is something which she would very much like to do. However, she feels weird about it since... she is pregnant. With... someone else's kid. Can she, as a future mommy-to-be, embark on a no-strings-attached sexual escapade, the likes of which she would not have thought twice about in her pre-mommy-to-be days? She concludes that she can, and she, correspondingly, does. Turns out... pregnant women remain sexual beings, even whilst gestating! Good to know!

Samantha, it transpires, is anxious, too--not about whether or not she should sleep with her own particular dashing gent--i.e., her boss, Richard (been there, done that, as they say), but because she finds that she actually likes Richard. And when he makes some tentative moves towards romance--trying to dance with her, giving her flowers, etc., Sam freaks out. Convinced that all love is doomed to end in terrible disaster, she wants to keep her relationship with Richard strictly business (and sex.)

But, whoops, for once... that doesn't seem like it's going to work out! She really does like the guy, you see, and by the end of the episode, has conceded that fact to herself. Samantha Jones, may I formerly extend this invitation to, as the kids say nowadays, "start a love train"?

So Carrie is happy (no longer fighting with Aidan), Miranda is happy (having slept with Walker), and even Samantha is moderately happy (admitting to herself that being with Richard, even in a non-sexified way, makes her happy)... which means, of course, that poor Charlotte must be miserable. And miserable she most certainly is. She is coldly furious with Trey for taking them off of the baby track, but refuses to say so directly.

Refuses, that is, until Trey decides to give her a "gag" gift... of a giant, cardboard baby. (Apparently, this is something which writer Michael Patrick King actually once did himself to an ex-boyfriend, about which... yikes, Mr. King! Why am I not surprised to hear that you did this to an ex-boyfriend?) It seems that Trey thought that giving Charlotte a baby would somehow help to relieve her sadness that he can't... well, give her a baby (of a non-cardboard variety.)

Turns out, it doesn't, but rather results in a huge, screaming fight between the two, which ends in very heartily slammed doors and very strongly bitter words. Not in front of the cardboard baby, people! Won't somebody, please, think of the fake children???

The Analysis:

Pregnant Women--Sexual After All, It Transpires, Watch: In the commentary which he recorded for this episode, Michael Patrick King stresses (during the Miranda-Walker sex scene) that the SATC writers were determined to deal with pregnancy differently than other TV shows had done in the past. Part of this untypical-ness, clearly, was underlining the point that pregnant women are (shocker) still autonomous sexual beings, with their own desires, even as they are Carriers of Future Life. Perhaps not entirely revolutionary stuff, but in a culture which still tends to desexualize pregnant women (when it's not hypersexualizing them in some distinctly creepy ways, that is, which is a whole different story)--nice to see!

Co-Habitation=Tricky Watch: I do so very much enjoy the Carrie-Aidan plot line in this episode, as once again, it shows us Carrie running headlong up against a stereotype about how she "should" feel about having her fiance move in with her, and puzzling over how far apart the stereotype and her actual experience are. Her beloved boyfriend is moving in! She should be beside herself with joy! She should be unambiguously delighted! She should be turning cartwheels amidst all of the unpacked boxes! But... she isn't. Happy being with Aidan, and even fundamentally happy about living with him, she nonetheless finds his sudden, constant presence, and the massive influx of all of his stuff into space which had once been hers and hers alone unsettling. She pines for some of the quiet solitude of her single life, and feels uneasy about somehow losing herself amidst the rush of becoming part of a twosome.

The writers symbolize this tension (how else?) through clothes... asking Carrie to get rid of some of her stuff to make room for some of his stuff, Aidan suggests that she give away some of her more outre outfits, specifically a mad-looking Roberto Cavalli dress. She initially consents to sacrifice the dress to his (much more boring) clothes, even though she lovvvves it--but in the very last scene of the episode, we see her striding down the street alone--wearing that very same dress. (Yay! Dress striding!)

True, this is the writers once again using (very, very expensive) material possessions as a means of symbolizing female independence and autonomy, which I admit is problematic (every time they do this, somewhere, the gods of capitalism pause from counting their piles of money to smile contentedly)--but on the other hand, as a lass who is very much attached to some of her (non-designer) dresses, I did rather love this detail.

Because Carrie very much values her cracked-out clothing--for her, it is a significant part of who she is, and by keeping and proudly wearing her mad Cavalli number, rather than giving in to Aidan's request to jettison it, she is affirming that she is going to stay herself, even as she feels her way into couplehood. Excellent. So far, I am loving the "coupling and cohabitation may be lovely, but are also, surprise, surprise, challenging" angle. And also--the dress.

Single Women--Whatever Do They Get Up To Whilst Alone?--Watch: I will also confess to having a distinct and pronounced soft spot for Carrie's concept of secret single behavior. I suspect that every--not just woman, but person--who is or has ever been single/lived alone (i.e.... pretty much all of us) can identify with the concept of doing moderately-loopy stuff at home when no one is watching you (pretty much because no is watching you), which (despite its moderate loopiness) you take deep and profound pleasure in. While retaining my air of feminine mystery, I think I can safely tell you that my SSB might just revolve around quasi-obsessively (okay--flat-out obsessively) rewatching episodes of British sitcoms which I have already seen a million times. There, the secret is out! Though I may well have rendered myself permanently unmarriageable by disclosing it, still--I regret nothing!

Notable Quotables:

Miranda: "Nothing puts a man off sex like pregnancy." Really, Ms. Hobbes? Could have fooled me...

Aidan, pawing through Carrie's closet: "How many pairs of shoes does one person need?"
Carrie: "That is not the way to get out of this alive."

Next Up...?: "All That Glitters..." which is about... sparkly objects? Ooooh, goody! I love sparkly objects! Oh wait, sorry, it's actually about all of the ladies' ongoing struggles with love, commitment, feeeeeelings, pending motherhood, etc. (Sparkly objects barely get a look-in, more's the pity. Won't somebody, please, think of all the sparkly objects???) Carrie is still wondering how she simultaneously can be herself and Aidan's Fiancee/Future Wife, Charlotte's marriage is still teetering on the brink of the abyss, Samantha still cares about Richard waaaay more than she is comfortable with, and Miranda is still trying to keep her pregnancy a secret from her co-workers. So--a totally peaceful, uneventful episode ahead, then! Or, alternately--DOOOOOOOOOM.

Season Four, Episode Twelve: Just Say Yes

The Summary:

So if you cast your mind back, dear readers, you will remember that I actually really, really liked our last episode. And--brace yourself for a shock--I really, really like this episode, as well. Shall wonders never cease?

So what is it that the ladies are contemplating saying "yes" to in this episode, you ask? In Carrie's case, it's a biggie (small "b," mercifully)... in rummaging around in one of Aidan's bags one day, Carrie comes across... an engagement ring. And when she sees said ring, does she... smile delightedly? Clap her hands in silent glee? Do a quiet jig around her apartment? Nope. She has to make a run for her sink, so as to be able to throw up in it. (Have I mentioned lately that I love this show? I. Love. This. Show.)

So, wow--potential proposal! Potential marriage! Carrie, unlike 99.99 percent of other straight female characters in American pop culture is, not unambiguously delighted, but rather decidedly freaked out by the prospect. She anguishes over said pending proposal with her friends (Charlotte thinks she should say yes, Samantha thinks she should say no, Miranda is just generally lawyerly, and asks Carrie to sift analytically through her feelings. Shocker!) She frets about what to do when Aidan proposes (one), and muses more broadly about the disconnect between popular romantic narratives, in which the heroines always know when something is "right," and reality, in which feelings are (surprise, surprise) a smidge more complex than that (two). "How do you know," Carrie asks, "when it's right?" Is there such a thing as absolute certainty when it comes to affairs of the heart, outside of romantic fiction? Carrie, still queasy at the thought of slapping an engagement ring on her finger, even though she loves the man who wishes to do the slapping, isn't sure.

In the midst of all of this vomitous turmoil, Carrie also bumps into Big (because I am sure in a city of about 17 million people, such chance encounters happen every day--heck, I live in a city of about 70,000 people, and chance encounters are rare e'en here, for Pete's sake!), and talks over the prospective proposal with him. (Because I can't see that being weird at all...?) He tells her that her ambivalence is a sign that she is "not the marrying kind." Carrie muses over this declaration, and its possible veracity, or lack thereof. I muse over why the Sam Hill she is talking to Big about this stuff in the first place, and why she is wearing a tacky heart necklace which looks like it came out of a vending machine while she is doing so. Hmmmm. Mysteries--they are many in number.

ANYWAY, just when Carrie is beginning to think that Aidan isn't going to propose, after all... he proposes, and does a nice job of it, too, kneeling in the street, making a quite charming speech about his love for her, his desire to spend his life with her, etc., etc. Carrie hesitates, deer-in-the-headlights style, and then decides that looking for a thunderbolt-from-the-sky sign that this is "right" is silly, and that she just needs to follow her feelings. Her feelings tell her that she loves Aidan. So... she says yes. Ring--on Carrie's finger. Happy music--on the soundtrack. Trouble--ahead!

And what of the other womenfolk? Having decided to continue her pregnancy, Miranda decides that she needs to tell Steve about said pending baby-bump/child. She does so (blurting it out in front of a bemused ice cream vendor), bemusing Steve yet more. Miranda tells Steve that he can absolutely be a part of their baby's life, but that she doesn't expect anything from him in terms of financial support. [Insert inevitable blogger grumbling about how nice it must be, to be able to thus blithely dismiss all offers of financial assistance, in a world in which many mothers spend their lives chasing men for child support payments which never come here.]

Steve is clearly thrown by this news, and by Miranda's presentation of it. Surely, Steve muses, a father's role is to support his child...? Surely, Miranda must be telling him about her pregnancy because, on however subconscious of a level, she actually does want his support...? So one night, Miranda answers a knock on her door to find Steve kneeling before her, proffering a ring. Much like Carrie, she reacts to this proposal in not-typical-romantic-heroine fashion (Miranda: "What, are you fucking crazy?" Have I mentioned lately that I love Miranda? I. Love. Miranda.)

She reminds Steve that they are, in fact, not in love, and are, in fact, not a couple, and that, consequently, getting hitched seems like a rather foolish idea. Steve concedes the wisdom of these statements, and extracts a promise from Miranda that he'll get to be a real, substantive, meaningful part of their child's life, nonetheless. They leave it that neither of them really knows what they're doing, and that there isn't a super-clear template for them to follow in terms of how to raise a youngster together while not being a couple... but they'll work together, and figure things out. Sounds like a plan to me!

Ah, would that Charlotte's story line had such a pleasant resolution. But alas... it does not. So, Charlotte has thrown herself whole-heartedly into fertility treatments--getting hormone shots, contemplating IVF, and (in case conceiving on their own doesn't work), putting herself and Trey on a list to adopt a baby from China. She is tense, because nothing seems to be working. Trey is tense... in general.

In the middle of the episode, Charlotte and Trey get into a huuuuuge fight at a Scottish-themed party which they are attending (about which--heck, I think I'd almost sign up for having a horrendous public fight with a significant other if I got to attend such a soiree--HOLY KILTS), after Charlotte gets an earful from her nasty mother-in-law, Bunny, about how she doesn't approve of Charlotte's possible adoption plans. (Bunny: "The MacDougal name will be carried on by sons of your own, not daughters of the South Pacific." Wow, racist and sexist in the same sentence! You raise the bar high, Bunny M.!)

In the wake of said fight, Trey confesses that he's just not sure about the whole parenthood thing anymore. It is so hard, and stressful, and he reckons that he could be happy with Charlotte, sans babies... but he isn't sure whether or not Charlotte could be. Charlotte... isn't sure either. The episode ends with Charlotte crying, staring at her still-empty nursery (which she and Trey had had decorated as soon as they started contemplating parenthood--gun--a little bit jumped, perhaps?), wondering "how do you know when it's not right"? Looks like there aren't any easy answers on that one. Drat! And I rely on TV to give me easy answers!

More straightforward and less emotionally complicated and difficult is Samantha's plot line. Turns out, Sam detests her new boss, Richard Wright. (Get it, that makes him Mr. Wright. Writers--consider your pun license revoked for a minimum of three episodes.) He is rude, arrogant, egotistical, while also being rather witty, and looking darned nice in a suit. Clearly, her dislike of him is destined to persist for a verrrrry long time!

Or... till about halfway through the episode, at which point they bond over their shared detestation of marriage and monogamy, and their shared commitment to... not committing. And subsequently sleep together whilst on his jet. (As one will.) So--one character engaged, one character preggers, one character crying, one in an amorous situation on a fancy-pants plane. Just another day in the SATC verse!

The Analysis:

I love this episode--let's just get that out of the way now. And why/how do I love it? Why, let me count the ways:

"Why Does Everyone Have to Get Married and Have Babies, It's So Cliche!": Ambivalence about Marriage/Questioning of Traditional Romantic Narratives Watch: So as you may have gathered from my plot summary, I really, really enjoy how when Carrie spies the glitter of an engagement ring in amidst her beloved's possessions, she... throws up. Sorry for Carrie and all, because... ick... but how I do love the subversion of the "straight women: all obsessed with marriage" line which all too often gets crammed down our collective throats in our pop culture. Carrie loves Aidan, and is extremely happy with him. About which--mazel tov! But the idea of marriage leaves her, not dreaming of wedding dresses and flower arrangements, but rather with (if you will forgive me the vomit-themed pun--who am I, the writers all of a sudden?) a nasty taste in her mouth.

Maybe it's because, as Carrie tells herself, she just needs more time to get used to the idea. Maybe it's because, as Big posits, she's just not the marrying kind. In any case, I love that the show has its very own heroine, Carrie (rather than just its perpetual sexual opportunist, Samantha) express uncertainty about (bordering on outright rejection of) marriage. Clutch this kernel of subversiveness to your heart, much as though it were a beloved child/kitten/pretty sparkly object, dear friends, because by the first movie, these complicated, non-traditional discussions of marriage... shot. To. Hell.

But for now... I am one happy camper. Maybe love doesn't always lead to matrimony! Maybe women are sometimes ambivalent about the institution of marriage, and their place within it! Maybe, somewhere out there, the writers like me, after all!

"Raise a Kid Together, and Not Be Together": Depictions of Single/Non-Partnered Parenthood Watch: So this episode, it transpires, is alllll about playing with our "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes [Whoever--Miranda, I suppose, in this scenario] with a baby carriage" expectations. About to be proposed to by the man she loves, Carrie alternately vomits and wrings her hands in angst. Embarking on the path to single motherhood, Miranda decides, not to marry her baby's father (whom she does not love), but rather to work with him to figure out shared parenting outside of couplehood. The episode presents the notion of Miranda and Steve getting married without love just for the sake of their pending youngster as ridiculous, and endorses their "we'll just have to muddle through this together, but let's leave wedding rings out of it, please" attitude to it all. NICE.

I am going to preserve this moment, in which single, shared parenting and ambivalence about marriage reign supreme, in amber, so that I will have something pretty to look at, and something pleasant to remember, as we skid forward towards the painful conventionality of the dreaded films...

"I Think I Could Be Happy With Just The Two of Us... I'm Not Sure You Could, Though": Infertility and Prospective Parenthood=Tricky Watch: When critics, during SATC's heyday as a dominant part of our culture, condemned it as cartoonish, absurd, and entirely detached from reality, I would always think "Sure, okay, in some ways... but what about Season Four?" Because, as you may have already gathered, Season Four is full of Weighty Stuff--how to grapple with an unplanned pregnancy, how to move forward with a committed relationship when you're leery of getting hitched, how to prepare for single parenthood, etc., etc.

And among these serious and (I think) very well-handled plot lines is Charlotte's struggle with infertility. She starts her quest for a baby thinking that it will be easy--that she will conceive right away, and that she and Trey will have their very own bundle of joy before you can say "trust fund."

But it turns out, that doesn't happen. Conceiving proves to be hard to the point of impossible. Dealing with fertility treatments and contemplating adoption puts a rather severe strain on both her body and her marriage. Her and Trey's shared sense of purpose--to have a family--collapses when he decides, amidst the stress and turmoil of infertility, that parenthood might not be for him, after all. So Charlotte is left wanting a child but unable to conceive a child--and in love with and married to a man who no longer wants a child, to boot. A mess--she is officially in one.

But it's a sadly realistic mess--women who desperately want children are not always to conceive them (and are, perhaps, if they are white women, sometimes also discouraged from adopting non-white children by their racist mothers-in-laws, about which... yiiiiiiiikes.) Couples who think that they are on the same page, baby-wise, find out that they are not. So Charlotte's dilemma here--should she leave her marriage in search of a baby? Stay in her marriage and give up her dreams of a baby? Not easy questions to ask, and the show (to its credit) doesn't offer any easy answers to them.

And--sorry as I am that poor Charlotte is, once again, totally miserable--I must admit that I do quite like the path which the writers have taken her down, since her marriage. When she got married, she thought that Trey was her prince, she was his princess, and that they'd be blissfully, uncomplicatedly happy forever and ever. Turns out... not. And I kind of love the series for throwing its most starry-eyed-ly romantic character into such grimly realistic scenarios. (Mean of me, perhaps... but I cannot help it!)

Few women have the kind of money, looks, and privilege that our four leading ladies do. But many women have to navigate the muddy waters of commitment, infertility, and parenthood--and bless the writers for wading into said waters themselves, rather than remaining pristinely above the fray in Romantic-Comedy-Fantasy-Land. Love you, writers! (Yes, I said it, and I am not ashamed.)

Notable Quotables: [I warn you that they are many in number, this time--when I said that I loved this episode--darned if I did not mean it!]

Carrie: "I saw the ring, and I threw up. That's not normal."
Samantha: "That's my reaction to marriage."

Big to Carrie, when she tells him that she might be getting engaged, but doesn't feel ready to be married just yet: "You've never going to be ready, baby, you're not the marrying kind."
Carrie: "And you, I suppose, are? What does that tell us?"
Big: "That nobody knows shit?"

Carrie, talking to Miranda on the phone as she suffers through a bout of morning sickness: "Apparently, we've reached the stage where our lives are making us sick."

Miranda: "I don't know why they call it morning sickness when it lasts all fucking day long."

Carrie: "Maybe there are no right guys, right moments, right answers--maybe you just have to say what's in your heart."

Next Up...?: "The Good Fight" which features... well... fighting. (As one might have anticipated.) Carrie and Aidan are fighting as they negotiate moving in together. Miranda is fighting--okay, well, wrestling with (sometimes you have to stretch to make the fighting metaphor fit)--her desire to balance pregnancy with dating a dashing international jet-setter (as one will.) Charlotte is fighting with Trey re: all things baby (or, rather, no-baby) related. Samantha is fighting the uneasy feeling that she actually likes her latest conquest/boss. Fighting, fighting, fighting, all around!