Season Five, Episode Seven: The Big Journey

The Summary:

Welcome, my friends, to yet another episode in which I am compelled, against my will, to talk about Big. Le. Sigh. But his presence in this episode is not toooo terribly annoying, so... I'll take it! I will thank heavens for small mercies! I will count my blessings! And so on, and so forth.

Okay, so, Carrie hasn't had partnered sex in quite some time, and is feeling this rather acutely. (She tells the ladies, in more detail than seems quite... legal in a public venue, that she has been having dreams about running up to complete strangers and imploring them to do various things to her. I am sure the family with kids sitting at the next table was glad to know this information!) Given that her book tour (ooooooh, fannnnncy) will shortly be taking her to California, she has decided that this particular itch can productively be scratched by... you guessed it... the newly West Coast-ed Big. I see.

Carrie insists to her skeptical friends that she is now entirely devoid of any real feelings for Big, and as such can safely bed him without dire emotional consequences to herself. And for once... she is actually right! She can, and she does! Who knew!

Granted, there are some bumps along the road to said encounter (of course there are.) She initially thinks she won't end up calling Big when she gets to Cali, after all, because she has suddenly developed an unsightly blemish. (But then... it disappears!) And then she thinks that the usually-obliging Big will not, well, oblige, since he's actually read her book, and as such has also actually reckoned for the first time with how absolutely crappy he was to her when they were dating, and how much he hurt her through said crappiness. Scruples about what sleeping with him again might do to Carrie's emotional life--Big has them. (But then... they disappear!)

So Carrie--has slept with Big. Chris Noth--has presumably gone out and bought himself a nice new boat with the proceeds of those few minutes of screen time. What of the other ladies, you ask? Miranda... has literally nothing going on. Nada. Nary a thing. She is still a lawyer, still a mother, still exists in time and space. But other than that... we know nothing. Fair enough! Hope all is well with you, Mistress Hobbes! At least we have no evidence to the contrary...?

Not much of interest going on with young Ms. Samantha Jones, either. She is bored with New York, and feeling a little midlife-crisis-y. To shake things up, she decides to accompany Carrie to California. She doesn't really have a great time. Bummer. Except that that makes her return to her actual life in New York with something resembling appreciation and gratitude. Okay! That's better!

I guess Charlotte's plot line is the most interesting of the lot this episode (defining, of course, the word "interesting" rather loosely). Interesting does not mean, I hasten to add, that it is not also MADLY predictable from word one--as the dear gentlemen of MST3K once said, of a particularly obvious "reveal" at the end of a particularly dopey horror movie, "even dead people know what's going to happen!"

So Charlotte begins this episode by loudly proclaiming that for women, emotions are inextricably intertwined with sex--that they have to have a genuine emotional investment in a bloke before they sleep with him. She also loudly proclaims that she does not like/has no emotional investment in her divorce lawyer, Harry. Doesn't like him on the one hand--staunchly insisting women need to feel for in order to sleep with on the other. Can you see where this might be headed, dear readers...?

If you answered... with Charlotte sleeping with Harry, then consider yourself a winner! Give yourself whatever you feel is the appropriate number of stars! Yup, in a shocking twist, just as Charlotte was insisting that she would never get involved in an emotion-free sexual encounter, because this is something that women never do (even though... she is friends with Samantha...?)--she gets involved in an emotion-free sexual encounter! You shock me!

Said encounter (and her desire to have other such encounters with Harry in future) leads her to seek out a tutorial from Anthony about how to successfully conduct such assignations. And surprise, surprise, in seeking to follow Anthony's advice, Charlotte finds that she... is not very good at acting like Anthony, after all! (But they are so similar in their personalities, tastes, attitudes, and feelings about love, sex, and courtship! Oh, wait...)

Plus, turns out--Harry is really sweet, and obviously actually cares about her. Hmmmm. Any guesses about where THAT might go? All together now: "Even dead people know what's going to happen!"

The Analysis:

LGBT Folks Watch: Anthony--just for something new and different! He is amusing in the few scenes that they give him, as per ever. And I am glad to see an actual gay, recurring character, even if he is something (okay, a lot-ing) of a raging stereotype of What Gay Men Are Like. (Outrageous buddy to uptight straight girl? Check! Obsessive interest in both fashion and anonymous sex--not necessarily in that order? Check!) Ah well. He at least reminds us that The Gays do, indeed, exist... which the show is all too often in danger of forgetting. So... success? A little bit...?

"He's Sweaty and Pushy": Continuing Questionable Language About Our Lone Jewish Character Watch: So on the plus side, Harry is... still around! Yay, Harry! Unlike 98 percent of the gents in the series, Harry is a nice guy, who seems like someone you would actually want to know, in real life. (Unlike pretty much all of Sam's conquests, and certain BIGS who shall remain nameless.)

On the minus side, I am still creeped out by how he is talked about here--Charlotte stresses over and over that he is not the kind of guy she wants to date because "he's not very attractive"--because he's all sweaty and pushy and vulgar. Given that these adjectives/ideas all too powerfully echo long-standing, pernicious stereotypes about The Jews, and Harry is, as we are oft reminded, one of the Chosen People... this makes me more than a leetle uncomfortable. And we haven't even gotten to the extended joke about how "hairy" Harry is yet... brace yourselves for that sucker anon!

"Are We the New Bachelors?": Some Rubbish About the Allegedly Shocking Fact That Women Like Drinking and Sex Watch: So the overarching frame for this episode is Carrie's question of whether or not single women of the early 21st century are "the new bachelors." (Answer: No. Moving on!) Carrie is suddenly struck by the fact that some women... are happily single and resistant to the idea of commitment! That some women... have sex outside of long or short-term relationships! That some women... enjoy cocktails! Therefore... they are just like Hugh Hefner, circa 1962, I guess? Forgive me for thinking this is essentially balderdash. Actually, no, it's not even essentially balderdash, but rather is straight-up, no-holds-barred balderdash! And also something that Helen Gurley Brown (God rest her wacky soul) realized back when it actually was 1962. For goodness sakes, people.

Notable Quotables: Samantha, on how handling a midlife crisis is tricky for her: "I already fuck younger guys. And I don't want a sports car."

Next Up...?: Our season finale ("I Love a Charade," by name) if you can believe it! We have arrived at the very end of this very short season! And there are very fun things for us to very carefully consider, I, um, verily say unto you! (These sentences brought to you by the word/by variants of "very.") Sarah Jessica Parker is by now clearly pregnant, but Carrie Bradshaw is not, and is very excited to once again run into... the dashing Jack Berger. (Your humble blogger is very excited about this, as well. Yayyyy! Jack Berger!) She runs into him in the Hamptons, where Samantha is throwing a party at Richard's house (???), Charlotte is realizing that she actually likes Harry, despite his (sigh) alleged vulgarity and physical unattractiveness, and Miranda is once again ambiguously, quasi-romantically involved with Steve. Oh, and Nathan Bloody Lane is around, too. Hooray! Lane-ness!

Season Five, Episode Six: Critical Condition

The Summary:

Are you ready to listen to Carrie whine, even though her book got a positive review in the New Bloody York Times? Are you prepared to behold some truly questionable representations of Jewish men? Are you poised to have Samantha provide vibrator reviews to the greater female population of New York? Why, isn't it just your lucky day, then, because we are about to grapple with all of those things! Hooray!

So, yes, to Carrie. Her book is now published, and has 1) been reviewed in the Times, by muckety-muck book reviewer Michiko Kakutani, no less, and 2) gets quite a nice review from said prestigious publication/said rigorous reviewer. Hooray!

Except, of course, this being Carrie, she has found something negative to narrowly and self-destructively focus on, even in this sea of positivity. (Le sigh.) Said element being one sentence in the review, in which Kakutani says that, in Carrie's book, "the men are disposable." Carrie... freaks out about this line (even though... it is the only even quasi-negative line in the whole darned thing. Of course she does.)

Her freak-out is exacerbated/deepened when she meets Nina, the lass who dated Aidan right after he and Carrie broke up. When Nina informs Carrie that she was Aidan's first post-Carrie girlfriend, she makes a weird face, which seems to indicate to Carrie that 1) said dating was kinda rough, and 2) it was the break-up with Carrie which had made said dating kinda rough. I see.

So Carrie spends the whole episode obsessing about what Nina/the world in general is thinking about her former relationship with Aidan--do people think that she cruelly dumped Aidan? Does Aidan think that she cruelly dumped Aidan? Obsess, obsess, obsess, etc., etc., etc.

After all of her friends try (unsuccessfully) to pull Carrie off of this particular obsessive ledge, Carrie finally manages to pull herself off of it, realizing (after she talks to Nina about it all, and realizes that Nina doesn't actually care about all of this nearly as much as Carrie does (you shock me). Perhaps the whole world isn't actually talking about Carrie's former romantic relationships! And perhaps, even if they are, she shouldn't care, because, in the end, it's her own assessment of her own conduct which really matters. And it took us thirty minutes to get here...?

Miranda, meanwhile, is having more/actual/real/substantive problems, in that she is finding it really hard and tiring to care for wee baby Brady, and run around being a high-powered lawyer, as well. [Blogger pauses for the obligatory "and she has a nanny to help her with said baby care/running around" moment, and then moves on.] Motherhood, it turns out, is a wee bit more stressful than the Hallmark cards would have us believe! (Miranda, on Brady: "This thirteen pound meatloaf is pushing me over the edge!")

Miranda is getting no sleep, feels gross since she barely has time to shower and suddenly seems to be covered in various kinds of Baby Effluvia all the time, and, perhaps, worst of all, is picking up distinctive "who cares about your silly baby troubles?" vibes from Samantha. Oh dear.

Tearily confessing to Carrie that Sam's "yawn, don't want to talk about babies or ask you anything about your life as a mother" attitude is really upsetting her prompts Carrie to tell Sam to get her Friendship Butt in gear, and ask Miranda a friendly question or two about motherhood every now and again. This... only seems appropriate!

Sam does even better than this, however (good lass!), letting Miranda have her hair-cutting appointment at a fancy-pants hair salon, while she herself babysits Young Master B. Miranda: really enjoys getting to get pampered and taken care of for awhile, and getting to swan home with a pretty new haircut. Sam: manages baby-sitting just fine, once she learns that putting her newly-purchased vibrator in Brady's crib keeps him from crying. Yup, you read that right. This stuff: it cannot be made up!

There is also a subplot in Miranda's storyline about her neighbor, Kendall, a fellow mother who eventually takes Miranda under her wing, and offers the flustered, amateur mummy Miranda some baby-grappling-with advice, and sympathizes with her "none of my friends have kids, so don't they get this at all" plight. (Kendall: "If they don't have kids, they don't have a clue.") No, but they do have vibrators, and doesn't that seem to come in handy?

Okay, so, to recap: Carrie--self-obsessed and narcissistic, as per usual. Miranda: still tired, but now in possession of a nice haircut. Sam: improving on the "being a good friend to Miranda" front--if also now short one vibrator. What of Charlotte, then, you ask? She is digging into her divorce proceedings in earnest, and (surprise, surprise) her milquetoast-y soon-to-be-ex is leaving everything to his overbearing/insufferable mother, Bunny. And Bunny is, true to form, being rather unpleasant about it all. Oh, Bunny. How I do admire your nasty spirit, and all of the fun, preppy bows which you insist on cramming into your hair!

Since Bunny is so harsh, Charlotte decides that she needs a really great, ruthless lawyer to handle her case. She tries to go to this WASP-y, pretty boy type (sorry, sir, but that is probably the exact description which they gave to the casting director), but is so distracted by his beauty, and so determined to impress him with how nice and sweet she is, that the (pretty) gent is, she feels, a bad choice to handle her (ugly) divorce.

Happily, the WASP-y, pretty boy type has a partner at his law firm, who is a bald, vulgar, pushy Jew (so, not stereotypical at all) named Harry Goldenblatt. Charlotte does not find Harry at all pretty, and as such is totally comfortable being unpleasant, and shit-talking Bunny in front of him. And so... we have a lawyer! (And some unpleasant Jewish stereotypes, to boot! It's a twofer!)

Harry (combative follower of the Torah that he is) is a very good lawyer, it turns out (please pull out your omnipresent pen and paper, and scrawl down the following: "Jewish folks--not at all genteel or pleasing to the eye, but super, super smart and book-learned, nonetheless"), and that fact, combined with the fact that Charlotte's soon-to-be-ex-hubby actually steps up to the bloody plate for once, and tells his lawyers to give Charlotte whatever she wants, means that... Charlotte gets what she wants, which is ownership of her apartment. Hooray! She tries to end things on a forgiving, not entirely ugly note with Bunny, but Bunny is having none of it. Ah well. Buh-bye, Bunny! I will miss your wacky hairbows, and your venomous tongue!

Oh, and there is also a Stanford suboplot in this episode. (Yay! Stanford!) Now that he actually has a nice boyfriend (yay! Nice boyfriend!), he wants to talk to Carrie about said boyfriend, and find out more about what Carrie thinks of him. Carrie is, predictably, too self-obsessed to be bothered, which Stanford actually calls her out on for once, noting that he's done nothing but listen to her obsess about boys since... ever, and now, it's his turn. He gets a few sentences out of Carrie about Marcus before it is right back to her and her stuff. Le sigh. Ah well. For what it's worth, Stanford, I think Marcus is great, and that y'all are adorable together. As the pushy, vulgar Jews say--mazel tov to you both!

The Analysis:

People of Color Watch: And in this episode we have... two! Well, one and a half, really. Michiko Kakutani is never physically present (wouldn't that have been an awesome cameo, though?), but is relentlessly and unendingly referred to. Her name is usually mocked during said references. I see.

Kendall, Miranda's wise-mother neighbor, is African-American. (And is played by Lisa Gay Hamilton, who is awesome, and who I hope got paid reeeeally well for doing this.) I have this eerie feeling, as I am about to write about Kendall, that I have just said all the stuff that I am about to say before--about how here we have an African-American female character, whose primary (if not sole) purpose is to help to solve our white heroine's problems, and to make her feel better about herself and her life... and then to disappear back into the ether, like the magical fairy of White Lady Happiness Delivery that she is. Hmmm. I wonder why I feel like I just said all that stuff. Oh right! Because I did just say all that stuff! I comprehend it now!

LGBT Folks Watch: Stanford and Marcus. We see Marcus strutting his stuff as a dancer at one point, and he is wearing a black tank top as he does so. This, I endorse.

More Acknowledgment That Motherhood is Actually Kinda Hard! Excellent! Watch: As I have, indeed, done throughout Season 5 to date, I do continue to appreciate what the show is doing with Miranda's journey into motherhood here... in that they are showing that it is, indeed, a journey, and something of a bumpy one. Miranda is exhausted, struggling to find a balance between home and work, staggered by the physical demands (and some of the physical ickinesses) of motherhood... this is a "warts and all" portrait, to be sure, and I do appreciate seeing that on the small screen.

Because for the most part (though this is starting to change, a little), visions of parenthood on tee-vee tend to be pretty glossy--if there are infants around, they always seem to calm, clean, and in good humor. (Which, happily, they sometimes are... but unhappily, sometimes, like us all, they are not.) And even if sitcom parents proclaim themselves to be frazzled, they almost never look frazzled--they usually have not a sitcom hair out of place, nor a sitcom outfit sullied by anything so unphotogenic as Baby Messes.

By contrast, when Miranda proclaims that she hasn't showered in days, and that all her "clothes smell like barf," you believe her. (And bless Cynthia Nixon's lack of actorly vanity for making it look like those statements are both actually true.) Miranda is deeply tired, haunted by the sense that she is somehow falling short at work or at home (or worst of all, both), and worried that motherhood is going to somehow mess up/permanently change and undermine her friendships. I would imagine that all of these are things which many women who are new moms might well experience/worry about/find relatable... and bless the writers for injecting this vein of realism into the mix. I love that they didn't make Miranda's new mom life all shiny and seamless and problem-free (though glad that they also let her have a nice haircut, and got her friendship with Sam back on track... this is only humane!)

And Suddenly, We Have Weird Representations of The Chosen People To Talk About Watch: Kind of weird that we now have to talk about unpleasant stereotyping of Jewish folks, on a show which has several Jewish writers... but then, we've long been talking about weird stereotyping of women and The Gays, on a writing staff comprised entirely of women and The Gays, so... perhaps this is not so unexpected, after all!

So, on the plus side, Harry is, from the beginning, very clearly depicted as a mensch. (I may be a total shiksa, but my grandpa learned Yiddish from his neighbors as a wee lad growing up in Yonkers... so the words--I will splash them about, my undisputed WASP-y-ness be damned!) He's clearly a man of integrity and intelligence, who is very good at his job, and is a kind, thoughtful person, to boot. All to the good.

HOWEVER. In the first scene we see him in, he is intrusive, loud, pushy, and vulgar (one of the first things we see him do is spit part of a half-eaten bagel out, in the middle of his partner's office. Charming!) And, I dunno, something in the whole "loud, mannerless, crass Jew" thing... does not sit quite right with me! Ah well. We shall have opportunity to judge this strain more anon, as Harry... he shall surely be back! (And it is nice to have another nice man about the place, even if he does trail a whole train of Jewish stereotypes along with him!)

Notable Quotables: Miranda on Baby Boy Brady: "I'm doing everything I can, but I can't please him! If he was 35, this is when we would break up!"

Sensible Samantha to Coocoo Carrie, as CC is obsessing about what people may or may not think of her: "Honey, you have to let it go! If I worried about what every bitch in New York was saying about me, I'd never leave the house."

Samantha, trying to return her defective vibrator at Sharper Image, to a salesman who is insisting that it is, in fact, a neck massager: "Fine, I'd like to return this 'neck massager.' "

Salesman: "What's wrong with it?"

Samantha: "It failed to get me off."

Next Up...?: "The Big Journey," which, as, whenever we use the word "big" in this series/on this blog does, indeed, refer to... Big. Le sigh. Ah well. I suppose I ought not to begrudge Chris Noth his new boathouse, or whatever it is that he does with all of his SATC cash. Maybe he donates it all to charity? Ooooh, let's pretend that that's true! In addition to all the Big stuff, there are mercifully some other subplots about Sam's midlife crisis, and Charlotte's new fling to distract us. Good, I'll take whatever non-Big stuff I can get!!!

Season Five, Episode Five: Plus One is the Loneliest Number

The Summary:

Welcome to our fresh new episode, my friends! And what a fresh new episode it is! Miniature cupcakes, fetching men with great eyebrows, radical plastic surgery... this episode has it all! (And file that "has it all" language away for future reference, as we shall surely come back to it later. So glad to know that language about ladies "having it all" from the 1980s refuses to go away already!)

So let us begin, as is our wont, with Carrie. Carrie is about to have her book published, and is super, super excited about it. (As is her publisher, as ever played the charming Amy Sedaris. Even when she is not crafting, Ms. Sedaris is a delight.) Said charming publisher is having a huuuuuuge blow-out party for Carrie's book launch, which is all glamour, flowers, and fetching little cupcakes. Oooh, can I come to this fictional party? It looks like such fun!

Except, of course, said fun is tempered by Carrie's sadness that she will be going to her fancy-schmancy party--and is, by extension/in general--alone. Why, she wonders, when she has so much to be grateful for--a darned-good writing career, a lovely apartment, fantastic friends--is it that the one thing she is missing (a good fella) looms so large? Ummm, because human nature is the very dickens, and we cannot be content even with a room crammed with fun comestibles like cupcakes, and fun people like Isaac Mizrahi? Yes, I thought that might be it.

Carrie's discontent is further, um, discontentified after she meets one Jack Berger, fellow writer, at her publisher's, who (in no particular order) a) is adorable, b) has better eyebrows than I will ever have, and c) is extremely verbal, sardonic, and amusing. Helloooooo.

So Carrie and Jack chat, they go for a walk, it is all very flirtatious and delightful... until Carrie asks Jack to come with her to her book launch party, and Jack then discloses the intriguing piece of information that he has a girlfriend. I SEE. And this did not come up sooner because...? (Hey, I said he had great eyebrows and was fun to talk to, I didn't say he had great social skills, or much of a conscience!)

Carrie is bummed. I am bummed. Bummed-ness... it reigns supreme. Both of our moods are improved, however, when Carrie ends up having a super time at her super party, and has the good sense not to rise to the bait of Jack showing up to her party sans girlfriend. She is pleasant to him, but entirely unflirtatious. Well done, Bradshaw! I guess getting involved in an adulterous love triangle that one time actually did teach you something, after all! Men who are already taken--not wise to become entangled with!

Meanwhile, Miranda is back to work after her maternity leave (nice that unlike many an American woman, Ms. Hobbes actually gets some significant maternity leave--four whole episodes worth! How many other American moms can say as much?) And as Carrie's voiceover tells us, she is "politically incorrectly happy to be there." So--yay, work! (Blogger pauses to note that unlike many an American mom, Ms. Hobbes can actually afford full-time, high-quality child care while she is at work. Handy!)

Miranda's first day back in the office is complicated by a call from one Walker Lewis, whom she had a pleasant one-night stand with whilst she was pregnant. (As one will.) He would like to see her again. She would like to see him again, too, but is uneasy about disclosing her new mommyhood to him. So she takes him to Carrie's party (good!) but neglects to mention that she is now a parent (bad!) But then she does tell him she's had Brady (good!), takes him home for (what she hopes) will be a steamy tryst... while Brady is there... and sans nanny (ill-advised!)

Shockingly, that doesn't go too well, and Walker leaves Miranda mid-tryst. (Buh-bye, Walker!) Miranda then admits to herself (and to the baby, who does not seem in the least upset about disrupting said tryst... and why should he be, really? Someone that cute should not really be upset about anything.) that she can't live exactly the same kind of life that she had lived pre-baby, because "she wasn't the same person. She was plus one." Miranda's storyline in the episode thus ends with some hard-core baby-snuggling. (All together now--awwwwwww.)

Charlotte, meanwhile, is dating some super-preppy guy who looks like he stepped out of a Ralph Lauren catalog, and about whom... we know pretty much nothing else. (Sorry, Handsome Blond Man! I am sure you have many other interesting and delightful qualities, independently of handsome-ness, I simply do not know what they are!) The thing about her dating this gent is 1) she is, in fact, dating him, even though she is, in fact, still married, and 2) she is, in fact, dating him, even though he does not, in fact, know that she is still married. (Sweet cracker sandwich, Miss York!!! And I thought Jack Berger was acting shady!!!)

This precarious situation officially explodes when Charlotte's monstrous former mother-in-law, Bunny (who still has keys to her apartment...?), comes into said apartment unexpectedly one morning to assess the MacDougal homestead... and finds Charlotte and her preppy lad in the midst of said homestead. I see. Bunny quickly discloses to the Preppy Gent that Charlotte is still married--Preppy Gent is pissed and quickly dumps Charlotte (don't blame him!)--and Charlotte quickly kicks Bunny out of her house, and equally quickly decides to move forward with the divorce. (Good call, Miss York!)

Samantha Jones, meanwhile, is getting her usual round of Botox done [blogger pauses for a minute to at once be sad that this is something which someone who looks like Kim Cattrall would actually do to her face, and to kind of appreciate the realism of noting that this sadly is something which someone who looks like Kim Cattrall would actually do to her face.] Her doctor suggests she take things a step further and get a "freshening chemical peel," which she does. And afterwards looks... like she's gotten a layer of skin burned off her face! Surprise, surprise!

Sam is desperate to lie low and not go out in public until her face looks more... face-like, but in the end sucks it up and soldiers on to go to Carrie's book party, hoping that her awesome, black-widow style hat, with its cracked-out veil, will cover all that needs to be covered. Hmmm. Somehow I am skeptical about that.

And rightly so, as eventually Sam doffs her hat, and spends the party defiantly showing off her ravaged face, saying that since women are severely pressured by society to get plastic surgery, people shouldn't be squeamish about facing the actual realities of plastic surgery. I... guess that's taking some kind of interesting stand? But personally--I still prefer THE HAT. (Basically, because I always prefer hats!)

Oh, and did I forget to mention that there is a subplot in this episode about Enid, Carrie's scary boss from Vogue? Well--there is a subplot in this episode about Enid, Carrie's scary boss from Vogue! Carrie learns that Enid, being a high-powered career gal and all, doesn't have time to properly devote herself to a real romantic relationship. (Enid: "I don't have time for a full-time man. I have a full time job.") [Blogger pauses to note that even that beacon of progressivism Helen Gurley Brown, circa 1962, was arguing that women might just be able to combine being employed and having a fella, but whatever.] So instead, she shares her man with another woman, in some complicated geographical set-up that I'm not sure I (or Enid) fully understand.

Okay, so I am totally fine with people managing their personal lives however works best for them... so good for you and your fellow romantic-triangle members, Enid! Except, wait, nope, sorry, scratch that--we learn, as the episode unfolds, that Enid is actually not happy with this arrangement, is madly jealous of this other woman, and is generally making a pig's breakfast of her personal life. Of course, I am told this is very common among women who fritter away most of their time on silly things like careers. Sheesh. Career girls! When will they ever learn!

The Analysis:

Random Fun Fashion Designers Watch: For no apparent reason, Isaac Mizrahi shows up to Carrie's book party. He is charming. I own some of the stuff he did for Target, and have his book. I also think his hair is fun. That is all.

Fictional People Whom I Have Crushes On, Part 1,453 Watch: And let us officially add Jack Berger to the list! This is a smidge inconsistent of me, I admit, given that Jack is pretty clearly Bad News from Day One... and goodness knows, I've given Carrie a hard enough time on this here blog for relentlessly pursuing Big, even though he was very clearly Bad News from Day One. (Do we need an abbreviation for that? BNFDO? Make that one happen in our culture, people! It can be the new LOL or WTF!)

It's not that Jack's a bad guy, exactly, but more that he has some decided Shadyness Issues which he needs to work on. Maybe... don't flirt with other ladies when you have a girlfriend already, sir! There's one to think about! However, I will excuse Jack (and myself, for liking him) by contending that he genuinely seems knocked sideways by Carrie--he doesn't expect to end up liking her as much as he does, and is careful to (eventually, awkwardly) put the brakes on their flirtation by revealing his whole girlfriend-having status... shady, but it could be sooooo much worse! (I am, after all, comparing him to Big, who is a world-class emotional sadist/shady guy extraordinaire.)

Perhaps I am defending the indefensible here, but I am so pleased to see Carrie with/around a guy who is bookish, sarcastic, hyper-verbal, and amusing for a change. (We are very pro-bookish/sarcastic/hyper-verbal/amusing here at BOCS. And by "we," of course, I mean... me.) For the time being, at least (before he really blots his copybook--which, rest assured, he most certainly will), all of us here at BOCS (by which I mean, of course... me) are SO Team Berger.

People of Color Watch: And in this episode, we have... two! The lady with whom Enid is sharing her gent is Asian-American. She is, of course, both beautiful, and mute. (As I am told all Asian-American women are.) I guess it's nice, at least, that she is age-appropriate for the man she (and Enid) are both seeing, however...? That is something...?

We also have an African-American female limo driver, who takes Carrie home after her book party. Carrie is feeling a little sad and lonely leaving her party solo, so of course it is the task of this Magical Lady to help Carrie feel good about herself! She takes Carrie out for hot dogs! She proudly tells complete strangers about Carrie's literary accomplishments! Awwww. Thank you, random magical sidekick-of-color, who seems to have no life, or interests, or personality of her own, independent of making white ladies happy! Whatever would we white gals do without you? Good luck with all of your own personal endeavors and interests. Oh, that's right, I'm sorry--you don't have any!

LGBT Folks Watch: The usual suspects, I'm afraid--Anthony, Stanford, and Stanford's new boyfriend, Marcus. All faces we have seen before, and all gentlemen, of course (what is this "lesbian" thing of which you speak?) but on the plus side: 1) Marcus is PRETTY, 2) I like seeing Stanford happy, with a nice man who clearly adores him, for once in our lives, 3) Anthony is always amusing. And goodness knows, we need to take our amusement where we can find it!

Melancholy but Ultimately Uplifting Musings about Singlehood Watch: So this episode spends a lot of time reflecting on what it means to be single well into one's adult life, celebrating exciting life milestones sans partner. Goody! You know how I feel about episodes which tackle Singlehood As a State of Being/Issue... in that... I am in favor of them!

I think the episode does a very nice job unpacking Carrie's complicated feelings about being sans fella, as she gears up to celebrate a huge step forward in her professional life. I appreciate, for one thing, that the episode does spend as much time as it does showing Carrie's sheer joy at the pending publication of her book... her work clearly means a lot to her, and seeing her just genuinely being happy that she's reached this new professional milestone is pretty darned cool.

The ladies' working lives are always kind of lurking on the edges of the show (which is fine, the show isn't about their jobs, but rather about their luvvvv lives)--but I still do appreciate when the series takes the time to highlight the fact that these are women who love what they do, and take pride in it. Because (for those of us lucky/privileged enough to get to do work that we love), said work is a really important part of our lives and our identities--and it is a pleasant thing, to see the show reflect that.

The episode also does a nice job, I think, in balancing out Carrie's glee about her professional accomplishments with her genuine sadness about not having someone to share this awesome new time in her life with (in a romantic-partner sense, that is--as always, her friends are there, front and center, even those who are grappling with Horror-Show-Type Skin Problems.)

Meeting Jack, whom she (within the space of about fifteen minutes) has the chance to become really fluttery and excited about, and then find out is already taken, is a major bummer for her. (It is a major bummer for me, too. Stupid universe/writers! Don't go raising our/my hopes like that!) It unleashes a whole chain of "maybe I won't ever meet a guy like this, who isn't already someone else's guy" reflection in Carrie. Said reflections are messy, and I think the episode does a nice job of leaving them pleasingly untidy and complicated and unresolved. The episode leaves us with Carrie candidly admitting that she is lonely, a little wistful that Jack is off the market--but nonetheless fundamentally happy with herself and her life, reckoning that she's still got things pretty darned good, even without her desired plus one. Not bad!

"I Had a Baby... But I'm Still Allowed to Have Sex!": Motherhood Madness Continues Watch: I do continue to like what the show is doing with motherhood here. (Leaving aside, of course, its easy glossing over of the fact that as hard as Miranda's adjustment to new mommyhood is, it is made that much less hard by her having an awesome job that provides good solid maternity leave--and a full-time nanny on the home front, to make said awesome job possible.)

Miranda is still having a tricky time figuring out how to balance being a mother, and a worker, and a single lady on the prowl. At the beginning of the episode (much as she had done at the beginning of this season), she keeps insisting that she doesn't want anything to change, now that she's a mother--she doesn't want her friendships to change, she doesn't want her work life to change, she doesn't want her sex life/romantic relationships to change.

But of course--they all have changed, and this episode forces her to recognize that. Bringing gentleman callers home with an infant in the house? Logistically difficult! Nice to see the show at once acknowledging that becoming a mother does not mean that Miranda is no longer interested in having a sex life (as her defensive "mothers are still sexual beings, people!" quote above makes clear), and that pursuing said sex life is going to be different (and in some ways, trickier) than it had been before. Realism! I am a fan of it.

"It Was an Impulse Purchase!": Ladies Mucking About With Their Faces Through Surgery Which is Plastic Watch: So I have ambivalent feelings about the "Samantha/plastic surgery" plotline in this episode. May I talk you through my ambivalent feelings about said plotline? Thank you, it is much appreciated.

I Am Pro: Samantha wearing a crazy-pants hat to Carrie's book party. That is always a delightful thing to do, horrific plastic surgery mishap, or no.

I Am Also Pro: The episode acknowledging the pressures which women face (if you will forgive the "face" language here) to look perpetually young and unlined, and the lengths to which they will go to try to achieve said look. Our culture does have a really messed-up attitude towards aging, does exert tremendous pressure on women to remain magically unwrinkled despite their years, and is tremendously ageist. So nice to see the show acknowledging that--that even a drop-dead gorgeous woman like Sam is distinctly anxious about looking "old."

I Am Con: I do, however, have a leetle bit of a problem with Sam defending her right to show off her plastic surgery scars as somehow an empowering and defiant act. I guess it kind of is, in that it at least forces people to grapple with the ugliness and pain associated with women trying to meet our society's bizarre standards of beauty? But on the other hand... could we have perhaps moved one step beyond "I am going to force you to look at what your pressure to look 'beautiful' has made me do!" to "Your pressures to look beautiful are rubbish, and I am not going to get a chemical peel, I am going to have crow's feet, and you can JUST DEAL WITH IT." Perhaps this is a bit too much to hope for? It seems that it is. Ah well. I think the episode is a good PSA for not getting chemical peels, however--yeouch! I'll take my pending/emerging furrows and lines, thankyouverymuch. Youthful skin be damned, I will have wrinkles and wear bizarre hats with veils, instead! Hooray!

Notable Quotables:

Carrie, as she swans into the gorgeous room where her book party is about to be held, which looks like Wedding exploded all over it: "There is one day that even the most cynical New York woman dreams of all her life. She imagines the dress she'll wear, the photographers, the toasts... everybody is celebrating the fact that she's finally found... [dramatic pause] a publisher." Thank you, SATC, for our daily dose of subverting-female-wedding-fantasy culture. It is much appreciated!

Carrie, musing over one of the many vexing facets of human experience/our irritatingly irrational desires and drives: "Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things that we do have? Why does one minus a 'plus one' feel like it adds up to zero?"

Carrie to Enid, about her balancing of her professional and personal lives: "I was worried that we--women--only get one or the other [i.e., a romantic relationship or a career] but... you have it all!" (Are you bloody kidding me? Carrie was thinking that women have to pick between love and work? Am I living in a New Woman novel of the 1890s, in which a lass must choose between shrinking her ovaries by pursuing higher education, or marrying a strapping, domineering gent who does not approve of book-learnin'? And Carrie is using "having it all" language? Am I living in a 1980s commercial, which insists that women can do everything (have a fulfilling career, a loving marriage, well-behaved kids, and a squeaky-clean house), but must do so without any institutional support or any changes in men's roles? I do hope not, on both fronts!

Enid, sharing her life lessons and tips with Carrie: "That's the key to having it all--stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like." If we take that in the spirit of "being a grown-up is sometimes trickier than one might expect, and not every childhood fantasy we ever have comes true... but life is still awesome, nonetheless!" then I endorse it. If we take that in the spirit of "I am putting up with my man's philandering because I feel that I, as a woman who dares to have a high-powered career rather than dedicating every waking moment to him, have no alternative to said philandering"... then I do not endorse it!

Bunny to Charlotte, as Charlotte tries to forcibly, physically eject her from her apartment: "Don't you hustle me out, young lady. This is Chanel." Bunny may be a nasty piece of goods, but she has a point there. Respect the Chanel, York!

Next Up...?: "Critical Condition," in which Carrie is obsessing about something Aidan-related (ARE YOU BLOODY KIDDING ME? Two seasons spent obsessing about him when he was actually physically present is not enough? Now we must obsess about him in his absence, as well? Does John Corbett at least get some royalty checks out of that?), Miranda is obsessing about something baby-related (that one I will let stand as... new mother), Charlotte is obsessing about something divorce-related (which I will also let stand as... divorcing), and Sam is obsessing about her pending haircut (yet another one I will let stand as... haircuts. Important.) My knives are drawn for Bradshaw and Bradshaw alone this time. SNAP OUT OF IT, WOMAN. Obsess about something besides Aidan and Big for a change! Something like... Jack Berger, perhaps? Which would still be inappropriate and unhealthy, but sooo much more fun.

Season Five, Episode Four: Cover Girl

The Summary:

Oooh, this episode is partly about books! Yay! I love books! I mean it's not primarily about books, so much, but there is a big scene which takes place in a bookstore, and several of the major plot points center on books in some way... so I am going to call this episode in favor of books. Wahoo! Goooooo, Team Books!

ANYWAY. To move on from books (if such a thing is ever possible...?) We begin with Carrie, who is thinking about the cover for her, well, BOOK. (So I guess we're not really moving on from books. Excellent!) For said cover, her publishers have proposed that they photoshop her head onto a model's body, and have "her" standing naked in the middle of an NYC street. Even though this idea is proposed by the lovely and amazing Amy Sedaris (whom I am sooooo glad is still here--yay, hopefully well-paid cameo appearances by delightfully wacky, off-beat stars!), Carrie, unsurprisingly, finds this concept everything but loving and amazing. Good call, Bradshaw, and well done putting your Manolo Blahnik heel firmly down on this one. Next!

So Carrie laments to Samantha about her Book Cover Woes, and Sam 1) being Carrie's generous friend, and 2) being a high-powered publicist muckety-muck, offers to help Carrie craft her cover look, gratis. Awwwww. How nice of her!

Except, of course, this niceness quickly devolves into sourness and unpleasantness as 1) Sam and Carrie learn just how different their concepts of what a "sexy but tasteful" book cover might look like are (Carrie: more in the "artsy Vogue photo shoot" vein. Sam: more in the "make the heels on those furry mules HIGHER, dammit!" vein. I see.), and 2) when scooting over to Sam's office for a business meeting, Carrie walks in on her giving a blow job to a Worldwide Express guy (so named so that neither FedEx nor UPS would sue, one supposes...?) Of course she does, I am told that this is behavior which high-powered female executives often engage in outside of cheap pornography. [At this point in the proceedings, Head and Desk stage a touching reunion.]

Carrie is appalled by what she has seen, and treats Sam oddly in consequence, all the while pretending that she is not appalled by what she has seen, and is actually completely non-judge-y about it. (While being, in reality, totally judge-y.) Sam is not fooled by said facade of non-appallment and non-judge-y-ness, however, and finally gets Carrie to admit that she did judge Sam for engaging in a random sexual act, with a stranger, in her office, with the door unlocked for the love of Pete, woman, have you no common sense.

Sam, who had previously been all "how dare you set boundaries on my sexual freedom, I shall wear no scarlet A in your presence, my puritanical friend!" about the incident, eventually confesses to Carrie that sometimes she judges herself for her sexual behavior, and that her break-up with Richard is still messing with her head/mucking about with her behavior. Hmmmm. As we shall discuss in the analysis, I... don't know quite how to feel about that! All I know for sure is that this episode makes me super glad that the most embarrassing thing anyone has ever walked in on me doing in my office involved me eating a muffin--and no, that is not a euphemism for anything, clean out your mind with soap!

Anyway. Are you ready to talk about Miranda and Charlotte now? Good, I hoped you might be. So Miranda, panicking about her "excess" "baby weight" [blogger pauses to note, once again, that Cynthia Nixon looks totally awesome in Season 5, and always, and that all of this falderal about her being somehow portly is totally annoying and ridiculous... also the very concept of "baby weight"--stupid. Baby-having changes women's bodies, and that is okay, people], has decided to join Weight Watchers. Okay, if you must... that seems like a moderately more healthy decision than going on the No Food diet, or similar.

While at Weight Watchers, Miranda meets the charming Tom, who is fetching, sarcastic, and pleasantly unpretentious. Soooo... you know instantly that everything to do with him is inevitably going to end in tears, do you not? Ah, dear readers, you are quick studies! The writers can pull nary a bit of wool over your eyes.

Because it turns out that 1) Tom overeats whenever he gets criticized, and 2) Miranda decides to offer him some constructive criticism about his cunnilingus technique. (Yes, I did just type that/you did just read that.) It seems that he... how to put this delicately? [Blogger pauses, and realizes that there is no way to put this delicately.] It seems that he does not remove certain essences off of his face after performing this act, and before kissing Miranda. I see. I would do my usual "I am told that is very common" here, but... I kind of hope that it is not.

So Miranda--armed with advice from her friends--while praising Tom's dexterity to the skies, suggests that they introduce our friend The Tissue into the bedroom. Tom, of course, promptly freaks out, and breaks up with Miranda. Boo. Ah well. Saw that one coming a mile off. Buh-bye, Tom! Godspeed working on... um, everything in future!

And... onto Charlotte. Not much to say here, except 1) (I don't know why I am numbering bloody everything in this post, but it just feels right) Charlotte has been reading self-help books, to, well, help her make her way through her divorce. Good for you, Ms. C, that seems like a healthy and productive step, if you're finding said books helpful!, and 2) when she sees the kinds of people who peruse the self-help shelves in her local Barnes and Noble (yay! BOOKSTORES), and finally registers the fact that her bookshelf is now filled with missives which prominently feature the words "desperate women"--she decides to stop reading self-help books, cold turkey. And throws one such book out of her apartment window, to symbolize her liberation from the genre. Great idea, except 1) YOU COULD KILL SOMEONE, and 2) libraries need donations more than random passers-by on the street need brain damage...?

And--brace yourself--there is an ACTUAL STANFORD SUBPLOT IN THIS EPISODE. Yay! I love Stanford, and we see not nearly enough of his delightful self. So Stanford has a new boyfriend, who is 1) a dancer, 2) gorgeous, and 3) very sweet. Is it possible the writers feel a flicker of guilt for all the humiliation and sorrow which they have heaped upon Stanford's head over the years...? Can it be true...? Perhaps we can dare to dream...?

The Analysis:

LGBT Folks Watch: Stanford, and his lovely boyfriend, Marcus. Yayyyyy!

"I Will Not Be Judged by You, or Society": Condemning Ladies' Slutttttttiness Watch: As alluded to before, I am a wee bit conflicted about the plotline in this episode about Samantha and her slutty, slutty ways. Shall I take you inside said conflict, very likely against your will?

On the One Hand: Carrie is totally right to judge Samantha for giving a random guy a blow job in her workplace, with the door unlocked, because that is ridiculously stupid and unprofessional.

On the Other Hand: Maybe Carrie isn't totally right to judge Samantha on the grounds of engaging in casual sex with someone she doesn't know? That's just kind of Sam's thing, and who are we to condemn her for it...? Everyone involved is consenting adults, so who cares...?

On a Non-Existent/Mutant Third Hand: Can we split the difference between "I don't want to slut-shame anybody, darn it!" and "It is kind of gross to engage in lewd acts in the middle of the workday, within mere feet of other people, who are innocently trying to do their (non-blowing) jobs" and say that what seems the most disturbing to me here is that Sam propositions this gent, not, it seems, out of genuine desire, but more because she still feels sad and confused about Richard, and just wants to feel something and to be with someone, even if it is only in that fleeting, casual sort of way. Yup, I think I can live with that one. And, with a sense of happiness and relief--let us therefore move on!

Icky Discussions of Weight Watch (See What I Did There? Weight... Watch? In An Episode Which Features Weight Watchers? PUNS): Various things about this episode, and how it grapples with the issue of weight, make me uncomfortable. Shall I enumerate these for you, very likely against your will?

1) I have this prickling, uneasy sense that one of the many things which dooms Tom as a romantic prospect for Miranda is the fact that he is overweight. I don't want to be too quick to judge and condemn the writers here (okay, let's be truthful, I love to judge and condemn the writers, both here and everywhere), because, to be fair to them (see! I try to be fair!), Tom's primary flaw is that he turns out to be loopy, rather than that he is "fat." And goodness knows, the show has exhibited a veritable parade of loopy men over the seasons, most of whom were most certainly not fat. And yet... I am still somehow haunted by the sense that there's just no way that the show, the season, or even the episode, would have ended with Miranda with a fat boyfriend. And that is lame. Lame, I say!

2) Also lame is the fact that Charlotte's first clue that reading self-help books might not be for her is finding a plump woman crying in the self-help aisle of B & N, and proclaiming that such books have really helped her. We are clearly meant to take away from this that the trim, pretty Charlotte most certainly does not belong in the same category as this untrim, not-conventionally-attractive woman--and that is lame. Lame, I say!

Yet More Anxiety and Neuroses About Age Watch: In tussling with Samantha about what would and would not be an appropriate look for her book cover, Carrie proclaims (as Sam tries to push something equal parts sheer and skimpy on her), "It's time for ladies my age to cover it up." Shall I confide my responses to this statement to you, very likely against your will?

For one thing, that is kind of rich coming from someone whose navel I have (literally) been gazing into all season, and who ends up on her book cover wearing only a shirt and high heels. For another thing, as someone who teaches college kids, I would like to proclaim that it is time for people of every age to cover it up. I do not want to know one single, solitary thing about my students' underwear, at all, EVER. And yet, given their choice of attire, somehow I do. And that is WRONG--pedagogically, ethically, sartorially, and in every other way imaginable.

And for yet another thing... hmmm. While not myself being a fan of anything in the "Let us show yet more skin! More, I say, more! Let complete strangers see the small of my back, why not?" school of fashion, I do resent a leetle bit the idea that this is an age-specific thing. If a twenty-something starlet wants to wear a low-cut dress, fine. If Helen Mirren wants to wear a low-cut dress, equally fine. (Helen Mirren can do basically whatever she wants, of course, since she is quite ridiculously awesome.) Shouldn't what one wears perhaps... be about what makes one feel comfortable and confident and great? And not about issuing all the over-35s with mandatory turtlenecks...? Maybe, possibly, perhaps...?

Notable Quotables:

Stanford, when Carrie is fretting about being judgmental: "We all judge, that's our hobby. Some people do arts and crafts, we judge."

Stanford, entering the room as Carrie is changing into and out of potential cover outfits: "Nothing in here I haven't seen and ruled out in junior high!" (Have I mentioned that I love Stanford?)

Next Up...?: "Plus One is the Loneliest Number"--an episode which I will candidly tell you right out of the gate that I really, really like, for the following NUMBERED reasons: 1) because it introduces Carrie's newest love interest, sardonic writer Jack Berger--with whom I am very much taken, meself, 2) because it features lots and lots of cupcakes with little sugar shoes on top of them (two of my favorite things, in one delicious package!), 3) because it includes Samantha Jones wearing a wacky black hat with a MASSIVE veil, which makes her look like the oldest living Confederate widow, and 4) because it reveals to us that the writers have not yet broken up Stanford and his charming boyfriend. Good news, all around!