Season Four, Episode Eleven: Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

The Summary:

Yay--abortion episode!

But ah, I hear you say, what a heartless feminist I must be, to actually be cheering for abortion. The rumors must be true! Feminists must actually hate babies (as well as puppies, kittens, sunshine, laughter, Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa, etc., etc.)! Hard proof, at last!


I hate to disappoint, but what I am actually cheering here (as I know you already know, dear reader) is the fact that abortion is actually being bloody talked about in this episode--quite something in a pop culture in which the word is barely ever uttered. (And no, "shmashmortion" most certainly does not count.) Given that about 1 in 3 American women will have an abortion before she is 45, this vast cultural silence seems more than a leetle ridiculous and disturbing, does it not?

So, the big news of this episode (as you may have already gathered) is that Miranda is unexpectedly, unplannedly pregnant, from her impulsive-sleeping-with-Steve-ing of the last episode. Ohhhhh, dear. Not wishing to, in fact, be pregnant, Miranda schedules an abortion. (Thank you, New York, for making this ability for a woman to make her own choices about her own body and her own life, without draconian restrictions, possible. Well done, Empire State!) Said scheduling coincides with Charlotte learning that she has a 15 percent chance of ever getting pregnant. I believe this is what Alanis Morisette would inaccurately (but tunefully) call ironic. Whatever our long-tressed Canadian friend would say about it, it's a major bummer, all around.

In the midst of said dreariness, Carrie is thinking about--what else?--Carrie. Miranda's prospective abortion, and her dilemma about whether or not she should tell Steve about it, makes Carrie think back to her own abortion. [Blogger pauses to be pleased that the often- likable, somewhat-relatable heroine of a major television program is candidly talking about an abortion which she has personally had, herself. Pleased, pleased, pleased.] She was 22, it transpires, and became pregnant after a drunken one-night stand with a gent she met at Tunnel. (The whole Tunnel angle leading, I will note, to a slew of "Tunnel is such a lame club, how comical it is that you were there at all!" jokes which went waaaay over my "born in 1981, grew up in the Jersey suburbs" head. But I trust said jokes are funny... to someone?)

ANYWAY, Carrie never told the guy (whom... she had just met) about either the pregnancy or the abortion, and is now racked with uncertainty about said not-telling. Was she right not to tell him? Should she have told him?? Why are people still making Tunnel jokes??? Grappling with such self-doubt, she goes back to a restaurant where the guy (whose name escapes me--[insert obvious joke about how it probably escapes Carrie, too, here]) for some kind of closure-lunch -type-thing... and it turns out he actually still works there! And he waits on her... but does not remember her, not one little bit! So Carrie finally concludes that she doesn't need to feel badly about not having told a virtual stranger about a deeply personal decision which she'd made about her own reproductive future back when she was a lass in her 20s. I myself had come to that very same conclusion about five Tunnel jokes ago... but no matter!

But wait! There's more! So despite the fact that Miranda has sworn Carrie to secrecy re: all things abortion-related, Carrie... tells Aidan about it/them. (I spy with my little eye... questionable friendship behavior.) And Aidan, it transpires, is rather unpleasantly judge-y about it. (You'd better watch it, Shaw, or Big's stock will start to rise with me, and no one wants to see that happen.) I.e., Aidan: "I don't agree with what she's doing." Ah, because it matters so very much what you do and do not agree with in this scenario, sir... oh wait, I'm sorry, it doesn't, at all! So... shut up! Give me a shout when you get a uterus/have a plausible explanation about why you have any right to pass moral judgment on the reproductive decisions of your girlfriend's friend! Thanks!

Given said judge-y-ness, it is perhaps not entirely surprising that when Aidan asks Carrie if she has ever had an abortion, she promptly says no. (So to recap: telling your boyfriend about your friend's pending abortion when you had said that you would not, combined with not telling your boyfriend about your own past abortion, when you know that you should. Batting a thousand so far, Bradshaw!)

Eventually, however, Carrie does decide to tell him--interestingly, hemming and hawing even within the disclosure itself--pretending at first that she was but a mere slip of a girl when it happened, that the condom had broken, so it wasn't really her "fault," etc., etc. She finally manages to come totally clean, however (she was actually a grown woman of 22! They didn't actually so much use a condom!, etc., etc.) and (shocker of shockers) Aidan still loves her. He is even willing to concede that he may have (unbeknownst to himself) gotten some lass pregnant somewhere along the line in his sexual past, so maybe he shouldn't judge others for... being sexual, and having made mistakes. (I.e., Aidan: "I was no angel.") Thank you, sir, just for that, I will reconsider the sudden and virulent dislike which I took to you in this episode. FOR NOW, anyway... but please do watch it in future, hmmmm?

But maybe we should talk a bit more about Miranda, since she is the one who is, in fact, actually pregnant? So, as aforementioned, Miranda is having a rather rough time of it, as you can imagine--Charlotte is furious with her and refusing to speak to her because of the whole "you are pregnant when you don't want to be, and I am not pregnant when I do want to be" thing, Carrie keeps pestering her about whether or not she is going to tell Steve, and Samantha... well, Samantha is just being totally awesome and supportive, so well done, Ms. Jones! But still--it is all a wretched mess, and Miranda feels, correspondingly, wretched.

On the day of the abortion itself, Carrie goes to the clinic with Miranda (which--good, nice to take a break from all the navel-gazing, Ms. B!) , and Miranda has a meltdown/freak-out in the waiting room. She has, after all, always wanted children. (Which, I will grant you, has been pretty consistently telegraphed to us throughout the series.) She is, after all, 35, and with but one functioning ovary. (Miranda, tearily, to Carrie: "Is this my baby?")

Turns out... it is. Miranda decides to continue the pregnancy, and embark on life as a single mom. She is, as she puts it, "pretty freaked out." (Well... yeah! But must be nice to have this be solely emotionally freaked out, and not in any way economically freaked out... ah, to have the salary of a high-powered New York attorney! Ah, to be a fictional character in a show which treats money as though it did, indeed, grow on trees!) At least Ms. Hobbes will have the support of her friends--including the previously elusive Charlotte--as she embarks on Motherhood Madness-- the Miranda story ends with her surrounded by her three friends, making vows of devoted aunthood, and eating various kinds of cakes. Excellent. I am in favor of women making their own autonomous decisions about their own reproductive lives! I am in favor of supportive friendships! I am most definitely in favor of CAKE!

But it can't be all cakes and happiness, now, can't it? Of course not, my friends. So let's go back to Charlotte for a moment, shall we? In the finest "The Writers Using Charlotte as An All-Purpose Punching Bag" tradition, over the course of this episode, Charlotte has to go from being heartbroken at the prospect of Miranda ending a pregnancy (which she herself so desperately longs for), to being heartbroken at the prospect of Miranda becoming a mother (which she herself so desperately wants to be.) She eventually manages to conjure up genuine happiness for Miranda, even amidst the emotional pummeling which the writers have inflicted upon her: (Charlotte to Miranda, when she learns that Miranda's continuing her pregnancy after all: "We're having a baby???") It's a complex kind of happiness, however, in which envy of her friend (and judgment of her friend--about which--boo, Mrs. M--boo) are blended in with genuine pleasure for her... emotional ambiguity surrounding pregnancy and motherhood? Who knew? I thought when women found out that their female friends were pregnant, they just squealed a lot, and bought them brightly colored booties. Clearly, I have much to learn...

In contrast to all of this High Drama and Profound Emotion, Samantha, it transpires, has a quite light and fluffy story line in this episode. (Praise ZEUS.) She briefly becomes Lucy Liu's publicist. She uses her position as said publicist to score fancy free swag, like the coveted Birkin bag. Lucy Liu finds out about said fancy swag-gathering, and is royally (celebrity-ly?) ticked. She subsequently fires Samantha for her Birkin-themed transgressions. Can't fault her for that! (Even if we can fault her for some of horrendous dragon-lady parts which she has accepted during her career as an actress--why, Lucy Liu? Why???)

The Analysis:

Person of Color Watch: So as I mentioned, Lucy Liu is in this episode. She has excellent comic timing. She wears some entertaining, almost-Carrie-level-cracked-out ensembles. (Warning: There are pigtails involved.) She does not act like a horrible dragon-lady stereotype, but rather like an eminently rational person who is being made to deal with a decidedly irrational person (i.e., our friend Samantha.) So in essence, there is nothing to especially delight us in her presence here, but neither is there anything to madly offend. Ah well. It could be (and has been) worse!

“Have Your Abortion Talk”: The Good, The Bad, The Meh About Abortion Chatter In This Episode: Ah, how I have missed playing judge, jury, and executioner on this here blog! So what, in my judge-y perspective is good, bad, and meh about the way this episode handles abortion? Let us see!

GOOD:

1) The fact that it is bloody here at all. The dearth of representations of abortion in our pop culture (let alone extensive, thoughtful, complex discussions of abortion) is truly, truly sad. So just having this episode exist at all is, I think, pretty great. Thank you, writers! I will try to keep this good work on your part in mind the next time you do something that reeeally bugs me! (I.e.—in the next episode.)

2) The fact that abortion is made to seem… normal, and common. Because… it is normal, and common. Over the course of the episode, we learn that Samantha has had two abortions, and Carrie has had one. (Would it have been more subversive to have “nice, normal” Carrie, and not “slutty, outrageous” Sam have had the second procedure? Yes. But I am still feeling favorably inclined towards the writers here, and am trying not to be too mean…yet…) That among four female friends, at least two would have had abortions is… surprisingly rooted in reality. Kudos once again, writers—kudos!

That the writers further normalize abortion by having Carrie have had one is just the cherry on top. Because of course Carrie is the voice of the show—the ostensible Everywoman whom we are consistently asked to sympathize and identify with. And to have the heroine of the show have had an abortion—which she remembers without regret and discusses without shame—is pretty powerful stuff. I am… really liking what the writers did here. And it is freaking me out. Why am I so positive all of a sudden???

3) The fact that abortion is represented in (as aforementioned) a nuanced, layered way. The ladies’ discussions of it are never of the simplistic, black-and-white variety—the writers recognize throughout that abortion (much like pregnancy, birth, motherhood, and oh, everything else on bloody earth) is complicated stuff. It raises big questions, starts complex discussions, generates not-easily-quantifiable emotions. Turns out, this episode demonstrates, that being pregnant when you don’t want to be is hard. Deciding what to do next is hard. Living in general is hard. I love this episode, can you tell?

Which is not to say that I think it is perfect because, dear readers--you knew that I would not. And so let us turn ourselves over to the BAD:

1) The bad, I think, is primarily concentrated in one element of the episode—and even that is really less the writers' fault than it is the writers' giving voice to a perspective which I find deeply distasteful—i.e., Aidan’s. (What happened to us, Mr. Shaw? You were supposed to be the charming antidote to Big for me! How did you slip from your pedestal so???)

As I noted in my plot summary, Aidan’s reaction to the news of Miranda’s pending abortion is indignation… on Steve’s behalf. Miranda doesn’t intend to tell Steve (whom she notably... isn't dating) about the abortion, a decision which leads Aidan to assert that, when it comes to abortion, “the guy always seems to get the shit end of the stick.” Shall I talk you through my reactions to this assertion? (I’m afraid I am going to, whether you want me to or not.)

Stage 1: Anger, ranting, sarcastic declarations. I.e., “Oh, sure, it’s clearly the guy who gets the shit end of the stick when it comes to an unplanned pregnancy. (And what stick are we talking about here, anyway? What’s on the other end of it? Where did this expression come from? On second thought, don’t tell me, I suspect I do not wish to know.) Anyway, sure, it’s definitely the guy who gets the raw deal here—not the woman who has to face the physical realities of either abortion or pregnancy--not the woman whose actual body is materially involved. Not the woman who, in many cases, ends up being the primary parent of a child, or tackling the not-inconsiderable cost of an abortion. Not the woman who might face the stigma of having had an abortion or of being a single parent. Boo frickin’ hoo, poor, poor guys, let me get out my hanky and weep for y’all, because I feel so bad for you.” [Mimes crying into a purely imaginary, but nonetheless very elegant, hanky.]

Stage 2: Caution, back-pedaling, a desire to pull back on the sarcastic declarations a bit. I.e., “Weeeeellll, but are you a guy? Can you speak for men here? Don’t you hate it when men speak for you? Well, don’t you??? Isn’t it a little much to dismiss out of hand the emotional involvement of men in abortion altogether? Well, isn’t it??? Maybe Aidan has something of a smidgen of a quasi-legitimate point here—in an ideal world, wouldn’t abortion be a decision which women made with their male partners (if they are involved with a male partner, that is), with said partners listening, being supportive, and respectfully recognizing that this is ultimately a woman’s decision, however involved in it he may be? Maybe?”

Stage 3: Renewed anger, ranting, and sarcastic declarations, this time directed at self. I.e., "Whoa, whoa, whoa, please do step off of that slippery slope which you seem so happy to climb abroad, won’t you? Does it not strike you that the whole ‘men have a right to have a stake in a woman’s decisions about her pregnancy’ thing leads rather comfortably into creepy-pants, controlling spousal notification laws and the like? I thought that perhaps it had not. Repeat after me—abortion is a woman’s decision. Period, full stop. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find that ‘U.S. out of my uterus’ sign I carried during that one pro-choice rally in college, and slap it up on my fridge. GOOD NIGHT."

So, in case you could not tell, this episode made me (temporarily but quite powerfully) dislike Aidan a considerable amount, while leaving me ambivalent about what he’s actually saying. The idea of completely dismissing men’s feelings about their female partners’ pregnancies and/or abortions does not quite sit right with me—yet at the same time, I find Aidan’s assertion that men somehow get a raw deal out of a situation in which the burden clearly falls primarily (and in many cases, exclusively) on women makes me want to stab someone in the head with a particularly sharp and pointy pair of scissors. (Not you, dear reader, not to worry--it would never be you.) This wrong-headed pity party on Aidan’s part almost makes me Team Big… a dark state of affairs, indeed.

And now that we have gone the good and the bad, this leaves us merely with--the MEH.

Meh Element #1: Charlotte Being Nasty Re: Miranda's Prospective Abortion. Part of the complexity of this episode lies in the way that it treats Charlotte's reaction to Miranda's pending abortion. Having just received grim, infertility-themed news herself, Charlotte understandably (if rather unpleasantly) loses it when she hears Miranda is planning on terminating a pregnancy herself. She reproaches her, sneers at her, then gets away from her as soon as humanly possible. And while she comes around in the end, dragging herself out of her own grieving turmoil to bring Miranda flowers in the wake of (she thinks) Miranda's abortion, I could wish for a bit more of an explicit mea culpa on Charlotte's part here. I.e., not just a "I am here to support you since you are my friend," but rather a "I am here to support you since you are my friend, and by the way, I was wrong to imply that getting an abortion made you morally akin to Pol Pot." Something of a nitpick, since I think the Charlotte-Miranda dynamic is handled in a really complex and interesting way, otherwise... but why am I here, if not to nitpick?

Meh Element #2: Miranda's Refusal to Say The Word "Abortion," Like, EVER. In this episode, Carrie uses the word "abortion." Samantha uses the word "abortion." Even Mr. Judge-y Pants Aidan and Ms. Meanie-Pants MacDougal use the word "abortion." However, Miranda Hobbes, Esq., the one who is actually planning on having an abortion... does not. When she calls her doctor to make an appointment, she says "I'm pregnant and I... need not to be!" What is this, MadLibs all of a sudden? "In order to not be pregnant I need an... [noun.]" When she tells Charlotte that she changed her mind about her abortion, she says, "I didn't do it." I'm sorry, what "it" are we referring to here? Decide to paint your bathroom chartreuse? Buy that second donut? Take up juggling as a hobby? What???

I was initially tempted to put this sucker in the "bad" category, because it seems to so annoyingly play into our cultural squeamishness about abortion, and our reluctance to call a spade a spade, an abortion an abortion, etc. Abortion is not a dirty word, and should not be treated as such. And it bugs me no end to see the blunt, candid Miranda coyly tiptoeing around the subject when talking to her own bloody gynecologist.

However, I am going to give the writers credit here (see how nice I am now? [Ominously, under breath] For the time being, anyway...), and go with the theory that Miranda's awkwardness and self-silencing in (not) ever using the word "abortion" was actually a deliberate choice on their part--a way of demonstrating that all of the shame, stigma, and secrecy surrounding abortion has rendered even the take-no-prisoners Miranda timid and hesitant. It might well have been! I hope that it was! Let's go with that theory!

Meh Element #3: The Last Minute, Dramatic Abortion-Decision Reversal. So, for the past several years, I have had the great good fortune to escort at a women's clinic which provides abortions, and, correspondingly, has a truly loopy collection of protesters. (None violent, happily, but all deeply unpleasant people, nonetheless. Trying to make girls and women cry, calling them whores, telling them God hates them, etc., etc. Feel free to all convert to a cult which believes in complete seclusion from the rest of society any day, guys!)

One of the many beliefs near and dear to the protesters' (and to many anti-choice folks', for that matter) hearts is that women... are really not all that bright. They just don't get what abortion means, you see. If only they were... you name it, forced to look at an ultrasound, forced to wait 72 hours, etc., then they would realize what an abortion actually is, and run right out of the clinic into the protesters' waiting (if also decidedly creepy) arms!

Except... volunteering at the clinic has just confirmed and deepened my belief that women are, contrary to popular/protester opinion, actually pretty darned smart, and do not make decisions about their unplanned pregnancies lightly. That women, though finding the non-judgmental counseling which they get from the clinic's counselors a pleasant change from the epithet-lovin' protesters, in fact usually already know what they want to do with their own bodies and their own lives--whether or not they are emotionally, physically, and financially prepared to have a child--before they even walk in the door. So the protesters' fever dreams of a last-minute "save" ("These foolish women will see our poorly-made, often misspelled, and decidedly nasty signs, and desist from their abortioneering ways!") are, happily, confined to their distasteful imaginations.

The protesters make women cry. They make women angry. They do not, notably, make them change their minds.

All of which is a loooooong lead-up to saying that I find Miranda's last-minute, literally-as-she-is-walking-into-the-doctor's-office decision not to have an abortion a little annoying. Yes, I know that this is a tee-vee show, and that tee-vee shows thrive on drama. Much more dramatic to have Miranda have a meltdown in the doctor's office, than to have her quietly realize at home that she wants to continue her pregnancy, and quietly call her doctor to tell her so. ("I need to cancel... you know, the thing.")

And yes, I can believe that the last-minute-change-of-heart is possible. From what I understand, it is pretty darned rare, but I am sure that it can (and does) happen. Another place where the "choice" part of "pro-choice" comes in... women having the right to make their own decisions about their own lives, following the dictates of their own hearts and their own minds.

However. Miranda's sudden change of plans nonetheless feels uncomfortably close to some anti-choice propaganda which I've read. (I.e., "And then she realized what she was about to do, and walked out the door a happy mommy-to-be, rather than a murderer! Oh, and she decided to become a fiercely anti-gay, fire-and-brimstone evangelical while she was at it! Yay!", etc.) Miranda has been thinking and talking about this pregnancy for weeks, and I would have liked to see a few more pulls in her "an abortion is the right thing for me to do right now" sweater (does the sweater metaphor work? No? Not at all?) prior to her actually arriving in the clinic.

If the writers had laid more groundwork in terms of her ambivalence about terminating her pregnancy beforehand, I would have been much more forgiving of her last-minute volte face. Said volte face still seems plausible since we, if we are long-time viewers of the show, know that parenthood has always been in her long-term plans, and that her long-term fertility is in doubt, but I wish some of her "ahhhhh, this might be my chance to be a mother, I don't know what to do!" doubts had emerged in this particular episode a bit sooner. Real women's real decisions about abortion don't, for the most part, happen while they are sitting in the waiting room at their doctor's--and it would have been nice for the show to reflect that.

But on the whole SATC--nice job on The Abortion Episode! Pity that discussions of abortion are, indeed, confined to this very episode--but crumbs from your table--I will accept them!

"I'm Keeping the Baby": And Let the Single Pregnancy and Single Motherhood Plot Lines Begin! Watch: So just to warn you, what I'm about to say will likely come up a goodish bit in the weeks/seasons ahead--but I'm still going to say it now, anyway 1) the show (for awhile, anyway) does some really interesting things in its treatment of single motherhood, particularly in its musings on how to juggle raising a child with someone with whom one is no longer romantically involved, and 2) the show does some really annoying things in its treatment of single motherhood, particularly (as we see, beginning here) in its complete erasure of the considerable economic privilege which makes Miranda's decision to continue her pregnancy possible, in the first place.

Because unlike the overwhelming majority of women facing an unplanned pregnancy, economic factors clearly play no role whatsoever in Miranda's decision-making process. She is rich. She can afford an abortion at a safe, pleasant clinic, and can, conversely, afford to hire a nanny/top-quality day care for any child which she might have. Money or lack thereof is simply not a concern for her. And as ever, I am going to mount my "It would be nice if the series at least acknowledged how disconnected this massive economic privilege is from most women's realities" hobbyhorse here. Saddle up, my friends--we're in for a bumpy ride!

Next Up...?: "Just Say Yes," in which Carrie needs to figure out whether or not she wants to get engaged, Miranda needs to figure out how to tell Steve about their pending baby, Charlotte needs to figure out whether she can handle being with Trey but sans baby, and Samantha needs to figure out whether or not she intends to sleep with her very attractive new boss. I'll bet you can guess how at least one of these dilemmas ends up playing out, anyway!

BOCS Returns! Way Later Than Expected!

Hello, dear friends. OH MY GOODNESS, has or has it not been forever???

So remember waaaaay back, when we last spoke, when I said I would be taking a "brief" hiatus, and would be back in "March"? I hope you understood that by "brief," I meant "very long, indeed," and by "March," I meant "June." We feminist bloggers--sometimes we speak in a secret code, which it is difficult to crack. We are full of mysteries, enigmas, puzzles! (Either that, or we don't know how to manage our time properly. ANYWAY. Mooooving on.)

In the time since we have thus been tragically parted, I do hope that all has been well with you. As for me, I have:

1) Been to Spain (country which I had never before been to. It is sunny.)
2) Been to Maine (state which I had never before been to. It is windy.)
3) Been to England (country which I have been to many a time. It has Maltesers.)
4) Finished up my semester. (My students were lovely unto the very end. I shall, and do, miss them. Sniffle.)
5) Gotten a full-time teaching job. (Like, the kind that will give me health benefits, and a name plaque outside of an office which is in fact my office--all that kind of stuff. Whaaaaat? How can this beeeeee? If you have a direct line to Satan, you might want to ask him if hell has, indeed, frozen over, so madly statistically unlikely--if also deeply delightful--is this development.)

So between the grading and the interviewing and the traveling and the preparing-to-move-ing, I (as you already know) sadly had to let BOCS slide a bit. (More feminist code! Please note that by "a bit," I mean, of course, "completely.") Which rent at my very heart, while hopefully leaving your heart whole and contentedly beating, quite undisturbed and untroubled.

Anywhoozle, I am back now, and chomping at the bit to delve back into the Land of SATC Madness. Do you remember where we left off? Well, do you??? Not to worry, no reason why you should, since I last wrote when there was snow on the ground, and Donald Trump seemed like a quasi-viable presidential candidate. Far distant times, indeed.

Soooo, when we left off in the misty past:

1) Carrie was driving us/Aidan bats, by insisting that Aidan and Big be friends/persisting in being friends with Big herself. Ah, Carrie. Thank you for being so reliably infuriating when it comes to all things Chris Noth-related! (I'll admit he was good fun on Law and Order, but does that give you a free pass for life? Answer no--it does not.)

2) Miranda had a one-night stand with Steve, without using a condom OH MY GOD HOW STUPID ARE YOU WOMAN, YOU WENT TO HARVARD LAW SCHOOL FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.

3) Charlotte is still struggling with infertility. Boo. Sad.

4) Samantha just got a new job, and her boss is very dashing. Whatever could happen there, I wonder? I suppose we shall find out...

BOCS Takes to the Road/Takes a Brief Hiatus

Dear Friends:

So do you remember waaaaaay back last summer, when I suddenly fell off the face of earth to go to a festive American studies conference in Australia? No? Seriously, why should you. I wouldn't remember it myself, apart from all the very happy memories which I have from said trip/the absurd neck pillow adorned with koalas which I purchased in the airport for my voyage home. (So silly, but so comfy!)

Alas, something similar is about to happen, and I am about to go radio silent until deep into next month (tears, violins) as I prepare for, and then head off to, a conference about feminist cultural activism in sunny York, England. A fortunate being--I most certainly am one.

And if you recall (and again, why should you--I only recall because this is my feed store, so I'm responsible for remembering all the stuff about the, um, feed), I'll be presenting about feminists who blog about pop culture--such excitement! It's never too late to fill out my festive questionnaire, and/or to contact me directly (at backoncarriesstoop@gmail.com) with any and all thoughts about this project... if you have musings about feminist pop culture blogging... my, but I should like to hear them!

In the meantime... I shall surely miss you gravely! When we return, however, we shall happily return in style--we have sooooo much fun stuff to tackle, including one of my very favorite episodes of all time, in which abortion is actually discussed in a quasi-plausible, grown-up way, as if it were something experienced by one-third of American women, and as such a legitimate topic for discussion! Will wonders never cease???

Season Four, Episode Ten: Belles of Balls

The Summary:

Ah, testicle-themed puns! Let us wince at them!

So in this episode, Carrie is wondering whether "men are just women with balls." (Remind me how much she gets paid for writing her column, again?) That is to say, she's wondering if popular culture is mistaken, when it alleges that women and men are radically different beings, who have radically different perspectives on things, and lead radically different emotional lives. Young Miss Carrie Bradshaw questioning the notion of innate, unchanging, and absolute gender difference? [Blogger pauses to mistily wipe away a tear.] Our little girl is growing up, my friends. Golly. It just happens so darned fast. It feels like it was only yesterday when she was spewing some rubbish about how men were a different species from women, altogether. Ah, memories!

As she muses over this issue, Carrie also faces something of a personal crisis. It turns out that Big's new movie star girlfriend has unceremoniously dumped him (good. call. lady.), and he is completely heartbroken. He desperately needs to talk to Carrie about his break-up/to cry on her shoulder about said break-up, since... she's really his only friend. (Sad. Or it would be, if this wasn't Big whom we were talking about. As it is... no mercy, my friends! No. Mercy.) He consequently asks if he can come up to see her... at Aidan's country house. As in Aidan, whom he cuckolded... with Carrie. Keep it classy, Big! Keep being quite mind-numbingly stupid when it comes to Big, Carrie!

Because Carrie tells Big that he can, indeed, come up to see her (head, desk, surely you know what to do by now?). Aidan, unsurprisingly, is ticked. Already intensely disliking Big's persistent presence in Carrie's life, he dislikes yet more strongly the idea of having Big be a guest in his home. This... only seems reasonable!

A guest Big nonetheless is, however--he gets totally blotto whilst at Aidan's abode, and ends up having to stay overnight. (Greeeeeat. Just the relaxing weekend Aidan had in mind, I'm sure!) Carrie insists to Big that he make friends (???) with Aidan--said friendship attempt, naturally, resulting in Big and Aidan fighting in the mud. (As the dear robots of the late, lamented MST3K used to say: "A little something for the ladies.")

Carrie tells them to stop acting ridiculous (Carrie, yelling at Aidan and Big as they fight: "Stop it! You're middle-aged!"), and... stop they do. And they even manage to have a pleasant chat, post-fight. (Not sure I'd want to have any kind of chat, pleasant or otherwise, with the person who had had an affair with my beloved, meself, but... whatever! This isn't really about me, now, is it?)

Meanwhile, Miranda is also dealing with her erstwhile significant other... Steve is recovering well from his treatment for testicular cancer (yay!), but is still feeling rather wretched (boo.) Not feeling wretched in the physical sense (remember this is Fantasy Land, where aggressive cancer treatment has effects similar to having an unpleasant cold--a couple of days of ickiness, and poof! You're healed!), but wretched in the emotional sense. Steve, you see, had to have one of his testicles removed, and as such, feels like less of a man. [Head and Desk look at each other warily, and decide that one violent connection per episode is enough.]

Miranda tries all in her power to coax Steve out of this line of thinking/depression ("Seriously, Steve, I've been to the area, and I wouldn't know if you had one, or four")--she suggests soothing books for him to read, listens to him rant about his testicular woes, goes with him to scary doctors who want to sell him fake testicles (yiiiiikes)... but in the end, learning that his primary anxiety about losing a testicle is that no woman will ever want to sleep with him again... she sleeps with him (again.) Of course she does. I can't see that having any unforeseen consequences at. All.

Charlotte is not dealing with a former amour in this episode, but rather with her current amour... frustrated that she's not pregnant after months of trying, Charlotte asks Trey to have his sperm tested. Having only recently grappled with Impotence Issues, Trey is generally defensive, angry, and unpleasant about the very idea that anything else could potentially be wrong with his Gentlemanly Area. Charlotte talks him out of his neuroses, however (Charlotte to Trey: "I'm sure you have very strong, Scottish sperm"), and they go ahead with the testing. Turns out... she was right! (About the "strong" part, anyway... not sure if they tested for the "Scottish" part. Perhaps this costs extra?)

And what of Samantha, you ask? Well, she is angling for a new job. (A subplot that is about work, and not luvvvv? Can it be true?) Turns out, hotel magnate and general muckety-muck Richard Wright is looking for a new P.R. person. Sam wishes to be that new P.R. person. And Richard acknowledges that she's the best person for the job... but initially refuses to hire her, because Samantha had previously had a fling with one of his other employees, and he reckoned it would all be too messy to have her and said erstwhile fling in the same general area.

Sam makes a rather nice speech about how her sexual past/behavior should have no bearing on her professional life, and that if she were a man, she's quite sure that it wouldn't. This speech impresses Richard so much that he elects to hire her, after all. Well done, Mr. W! (Please file away for future reference the piece of information that said Mr. W is very attractive--so when I said that this plotline was about work, rather than about luvvvv... yeah, I might not have been telling the whole truth about that...)

The Analysis:

"I'm a Bad Wife, I Got Chinese!": Ladies and Their Domestic Responsibilities, How Dare They Slack Off at Them For Even One Day Watch: So Charlotte uses the above phrase about her procurement of Chinese takeout, rather than her construction of an entire meal from scratch, when Trey comes home from work one night. Please take up your omnipresent pad and pen, and scrawl down the following: "Part of good wifehood: consistently preparing homemade meals for your spouse. Failure to do so... falls under the category of 'bad' wifehood." PLEASE.

"Men Don't Talk, They Fight": Male Fighting as a Source of Humor Rather than Womanly Swooning Watch: So I absolutely detest the Twilight series--I find the whole "as a 17-year-old girl, my only dream in life is to be with my patronizing, creepily controlling 100+-year-old boyfriend forever and ever and ever (because he is so prettttty), and have as many sparkly babies of his as I can squeeze out, as soon as possible. College, what? Having an independent identity apart from being My Boyfriend's Gal? Ummm... not interested!" wildly distasteful. (And that's leaving out the "Native Americans are wild, violent beasts! Female sexuality needs to be contained within marriage! Having a baby when you're 18 is super-easy and fun, because said baby will soon be able to read your mind and speak in complete sentences!" stuff... I could go on for days, but I shall spare you.)

ANYWAY, I bring Twilight up at all because I was thinking of it during the whole Aidan-Big fight scene... as we all know (whether we wish to or not... K. Stew and R. Patz... they cannot be escaped!), Twilight relentlessly fetishizes its heroine's two would-be beloveds fighting over her... their battling over who will win her maidenly heart and virginal flesh takes up loooong stretches of those looong books, as she flutters on the sidelines, waiting to see which of her potential gents will emerge triumphant. (Passivity, thy name is Bella Swan. What a great role model you are for the young women of the future, Ms. S. Keep up the good work! By which I mean... do nothing of any interest whatsoever!)

Given this not un-isolated "having two boys fight over you is totally awesome, and one of the proudest achievements of which a straight lady can boast" strain which runs throughout our pop culture, I am amused to see Carrie treating Aidan and Big's fight, not as titillating or romantic, but rather as absurd. She's not swooning on the sidelines, waiting to see which gent will come up trumps, but rather rolling her eyes and yelling at them to stop. She doesn't want to be the prize in any manly contest--she wants Aidan and Big to stop their nonsense, and leave her to drink her tea in peace. Well done, Bradshaw, that's the first sensible thing you've done all episode!

Gender Difference... Is Not Absolute! Hurrah! Watch: So as you have already gathered from my summary, for once in our lives, this episode muses over the alleged vast differences between men and women... and concludes that they are not actually so vast, after all. Halle-bloody-lujah! Carrie concludes in the end that though there are still things about men which she'll never understand (i.e., how Aidan and Big can be wrestling in the mud one minute, and chatting amicably the next... which I admit is a mystery), that women and men actually share more in common as human beings than our "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus" culture allows for. Wahoo! I'm ready to file that sucker under "P" for "Progress"!

Annoying Language About Men and Masculinity Watch: Which is not to say that I don't find things in this episode to bug me because, gentle reader... of course I do. You knew that I would!

Thing That Bugs Me In The Way This Episode Talks About Manliness #1: When Trey is telling Charlotte about a confrontation which he'd had at work, she (totally unironically) says, "Good, honey, good--sometimes they just need to hear it from a man." I'm sorry, that retching you just heard? That would be me, seeking to hold down my excellent breakfast in the face of such "as a man, it is your job to be authoritarian and stern, and as a lady, it is my job to admire said stern authoritarianism" malarkey. She couldn't have said "sometimes they just need to hear it from someone who knows what the heck they're talking about"? Or "from someone who's not afraid to stand up to them"? Nope. Has to be from a man, my mistake! [Blogger does all in her power to keep her previously-consumed oatmeal right where it belongs...]

Thing That Bugs Me In The Way This Episode Talks About Manliness #2: At the end of the episode, Carrie informs us that Richard finally chooses to hire Samantha because he"admired her balls." Puh-leeeeze. He couldn't have admired her courage, her chutzpah, her eloquence? Nope, has to be the balls which she notably.... does not have! Equating gutsiness with testicles... how I do tire of it.

Thing That Bugs Me In The Way This Episode Talks About Manliness #3: After Carrie runs her whole (admittedly totally nutty) "I want Aidan and Big to be friends!" plan by the ladies (seriously, what were you thinking, missy?), Samantha says, "Men don't talk, they fight. It's all that crazy testerone--God bless it." For the love of Pete, Jones, don't be undoing all of our good "gender difference is not innate, biological, and unchanging" work here! I would like to suggest that men do talk, and that testosterone is not some bizarre potion which explains all male aggression. Could it be that culture plays some role in discouraging male emotional expressiveness, and glorifying male violence...? It seems not, my mistake!

Raging Double Standards 'Twixt Women and Men in the Workplace Watch: Having taken some points away from this episode for all of this headache-making language about all things manly, I will restore some (you can't say that I'm not generous, now, can you? Well, you can, actually, and with some justification... though I still hope that you won't...) for some interesting discussions about persistent double standards when it comes women, sex, and emotions in the workplace.

As I noted in my summary, Sam has a nice little moment in the sun here (helping to make up for her "testosterone makes men crazzzzy" crack), calling Richard out for refusing to hire her because of a sexual relationship which she'd had in the past. She notes that if she were a gent, she very much doubts that her sexual history would have played any role in Richard's hiring decisions whatsoever... and to his credit, he acknowledges the truth of that statement, and eventually decides not to let it stop him from hiring Samantha, either. Good, good, good!

The ladies also have an interesting discussion about perceptions of the womenfolk and their lady feelings in professional settings, with Samantha and Miranda noting the shocking fact that if a man is visibly angry about a professional issue, this can be seen as a positive--he's passionate and engaged!--whereas for a woman, it is most often seen as a negative--she's crazy and out of control! Huh, you don't say! Next you'll tell me that a woman will be seen as being a bitch, where a man behaving in the same way will be seen as assertive! Elementary stuff, perhaps, but still... nice to see the ladies calling this particular spade a spade here...

Notable Quotables: Samantha, fuming over Richard's refusal to hire her because of her possession of a female body, complete with lady parts: "What does he think I'm going to do, get my period and ruin his empire?"

Next Up...?: "Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda," in which we actually have some quite complex, interesting, and realistic discussions about abortion. Can it be true??? Perhaps I ought to pinch myself, to ensure that I am indeed awake... [Long pause.] Yeouch! Yup, that one stung... interesting discussions about abortion it is, then! I dream not!

Season Four, Episode Nine: Sex and the Country

The Summary:

I feel like I have been starting every episode summary in recent weeks with "Carrie and Aidan are pretty happy together in this episode! EXCEPT..." Sorry to sound like a broken record here, mes amies, but... Carrie and Aidan are pretty happy together in this episode! EXCEPT... there is some trouble over how their leisure time ought to spent. Aidan has a rustic country cottage out in the wilds of Suffern, New York, and he lovvvves it. Carrie (a self-described "bonafide city girl") goes there with him one weekend, and she hatttttes it.

Her dilemma then becomes, of course, does she tell him that she hates it, and refuse to spend her weekends there? Or does she paste a fake smile on her face and allow herself to be dragged to the country on a regular basis, because Aidan is her fella, and a lady ought to defer to her fella's preferences? I leave it to you to guess which option Mistress Charlotte MacDougal advocates. (Hint: Do what your man wants at all times, ladies, or you shall lose him--and serve you right, you willful minxes!)

All of this makes Carrie muse about when, in relationships, "the art of compromise becomes compromising." She follows the Charlotte M. Model of Relationship Behavior for awhile, pretending to Aidan that she loves spending lots of time in the country--but eventually she snaps, and tells him the truth. So in the end, they compromise--sometimes, they'll spend their weekends in the country (as Aidan prefers) and sometimes, they won't (as Carrie prefers.) This... only seems reasonable!

Oh, and since it actually will have some significance for our next episode, I must also tell you that, at some point along the line, Carrie has dinner with Big, who is apparently now dating a fancy-pants movie star. He wants to tell Carrie alllll the salacious details about their trysts. (Why...?) Carrie, unsurprisingly, does not want to hear all the salacious details about their trysts! She consequently leaves their dinner feeling distinctly irritated both by Big's movie-star-dating, and by his salacious-detail-recounting. Ah, clearly remaining friends with Big was a great. Idea.

Meanwhile, in the lives of the other ladies... Sam's plotline in this episode is totally dull. Carrie drags her to Aidan's house one weekend, where Sam beds one of Aidan's attractive neighbors. I am SHOCKED. Oh, I'm sorry, I meant BORED, I am BORED.

Miranda, fresh from losing her mom in our last episode, has yet more Difficult Things to face in this episode... Steve has just discovered that he has testicular cancer. (Heap those coals of fire on poor Miranda's head, writers! And Steve's, too, for that matter. Well, not his head, exactly, I suppose...) Listening to Steve talk about how his diagnosis is "no big deal" and describing his doctor in ways which make it clear that he is something less than competent, Miranda snaps and yells at him to take this seriously, to realize that he might die, and to get himself to a good doctor, stat. (Nice that we live in Fantasy New York/United States in the SATC verse, in which self-employed bar-owner Steve seems to have excellent health insurance, which will enable him to switch doctors and go see a top-notch cancer specialist, at will. Ah, Fantasy World. How I wish that I lived there, too!)

Miranda worries that she's been waaaay too bitchy and harsh with Steve (since she makes him cry a little, after yelling at him that he could diiiiie)--but Steve later thanks her for giving him a swift slap upside the head, and encouraging him to seek out a proper doctor and proper treatment. And so, we leave the episode with Steve seemingly on the road to recovery. Phew! Let's go easy on the deaths and the traumas, shall we, writers?

Charlotte, meanwhile, is busy (as Carrie's voiceover informs us) "ovulating and decorating." Having gotten her and Trey's apartment into suitably dazzling shape, Charlotte has thrown herself headfirst into researching the heck out of how best to conceive, what kinds of fertility-enhancing techniques a lady seeking to become enceinte can use, etc.

She keeps a meticulous calendar documenting her menstrual cycle, buys herself a handy-dandy gizmo which beeps to tell her when she's ovulating... she is prepared. Unfortunately for her, her nifty-beeping-ovulation-gizmo is due to next, well, beep when she and Trey are visiting his mother, Bunny, at her country estate. (Charlotte: "I guess we'll just have to have sex at your mother's." Trey: "Sex in Connecticut? Well... there's a first time for everything.")

Charlotte is a bit put off of marital friskiness/potential baby-making activities, however, when she happens across Bunny and Trey having a long chat... in the bathroom... while Trey is taking a bath. Again, I say, cree. Py.

Charlotte later notes to Trey that "that is not proper parent-child bath time behavior past the age of five! Even four, in some cases!" She tells him she has noooo interest in becoming a creepy-pants, quasi-incestuous mother of the Bunny variety. Trey reassures her that he knows she'd never follow Bunny's Model of Motherhood, since he was actually raised, not by his mother (whom he barely ever saw), but rather by a nanny. Charlotte is reassured by this answer. I am not, because this still does not seem to resolve the whole "mother watching grown son bathe" issue... but... as long as you're happy, Mrs. MacDougal The Younger!

The Analysis:

"A Squirrel is Just a Rat with a Cuter Outfit!": Squirrel-Themed Subplot Watch: This has nothing to do with feminist analysis whatsoever, but one of the things that Carrie detests about Aidan's country house is that he's tamed a local squirrel to the point where said squirrel feels comfortable coming and going from said house at will. (Rabies, Mr. Shaw--rabies.) Talk of squirrels and the sight of squirrels recurs throughout this episode, which always makes me think about one of my dear friends, who is the proud creator of what she calls the "Squirrel Spotting Game" where the goal is to (you guessed it) spot as many squirrels as possible. She always beats me when we play said game, by the way. Too bad that we can't visit the fictional Aidan's fictional house, because then I might have a fighting chance!

Ladies, Please Oblige Your Men, Part 9,657 Watch: Can you tell that I don't actually have that much to say about this episode? Because... I really don't! I enjoy it, but I don't find it particularly noteworthy, when it comes to either Feminist Griping or Feminist Praising. Sam sleeping with a random, generically hot guy whom we never see again... dull. Charlotte continuing her efforts to become pregnant... not presented in a way which offends or troubles me. Miranda trying to help Steve through testicular cancer... makes me sad for him, and glad that she is such a good (if also sometimes scary and yelling) friend.

The only feminist-y thing I have to say about this episode is about Charlotte's whole "Of course you should pretend to like whatever Aidan likes, regardless of your actual feelings!" malarkey. I am happy to report that this episode does, indeed, present such advice as malarkey. (Well done, episode!) Carrie seeks to follow Charlotte's counsel, at first, but quickly realizes that actually being honest and negotiating with Aidan works out much better. Honest communication working out better than inherently unsustainable deceit? You shock me.

After Carrie and Aidan talk candidly about their feelings re: the country retreat, they negotiate a compromise in which they will divide their time between the city and the country in a much more egalitarian manner. Yay! I love egalitarian manners!

Next Up...?: "Belles of Balls" (will the writers' Pun Terror never end???), in which Carrie asks the immortal question "Are men just women with balls?" I'll make it easy for you, Bradshaw--no, they're not. There, I could have spared you the whole episode right there! Except... I'm glad that I didn't, because it's nice to see our young Ms. Bradshaw questioning the reality of a biological, absolute, and unchanging divide between the sexes... this feels like progress, anyway!